Bullies Suck

Sad writes:

I was bullied in grades 7 and 8 by two boys who constantly made fun of me because I was new to the school and I wasn't into fashion and hanging out on the corners like everyone else. I was recently friended by one of them on facebook, and I accepted. I soon deleted the person because I realize he wasn't going to apologize and I wasn't going to confront him. I considered that closure for me and went on with my happy life. 

The other day, I was given a friend suggestion by the OTHER kid who picked on me, but didn't try and friend request him or anything. I thought I put it behind me, the taunting and teasing, and basically feeling tortured every day for 2 years (it was a sick joke in my universe that the teachers always sat me between these two jerks)...I feel like I didn't do a good job at getting over it. 

Should I say something now? I feel like that would just be pathetic of me, because it happened when we were kids and life went on. I always think just get over it when I see adults confronting their childhood bullies on TV talk shows. But I don't think these two kids realize the damage they caused. I was very socially awkward for my 4 years of highschool because I never was able to be social in middle school. What do you think?


Sad,
I'm sorry you had such a horrible time in middle school. I don't necessarily think that either of these guys tried to contact you on facebook for any reason other than to collect friends. Facebook seems to have given everyone the feeling that they have the right and/or need to stay connected everyone they have ever known, whether that knowing was a good or bad experience.


Also keep in mind that bullying stays in the mind of the tormented much longer than it does the tormentor. These guys may not even remember how miserable they made you, or maybe they really thought they were just having fun at the time. Or maybe one or both of them liked you. Preteen boys are notoriously bad at expressing their feelings, and it's very common for them to turn to teasing when saying "hey, I think you're cute" has so much potential to damage their tender egos. What I'm trying to say is, try to look back on the situation with humor, and think about how the experience made you stronger rather than focusing on the damage it did.



You were right to unfriend bully number 1 and to ignore the suggestion of bully number 2. You were also right to go on with your happy life. I think that's what you should keep on doing. I agree that saying something won't solve your problem. Everyone involved has changed a lot since middle school, and two adult men likely don't have a lot to learn from a lecture about something they did when they were children.


If you feel the need to do something, make sure that you bring your own children up to know that bullying others is wrong, and teach them to stand up for themselves in the event that they are bullied. And if you really can't get over this, it may be time to look for a counselor or therapist. Remember that Kate and I are not licensed professionals. If you need real help, I encourage you to seek it.