My dad told me to book whatever place I wanted for my wedding, and not to worry that he'd help me out. He came with me to look at a place he actually suggested, and on the drive home he started accusing me of only spending time with him to get his money, and not to expect a dime. He often did this to my mom and they divorced, but I never thought he'd do this to me. As far as I am concerned, his money is his. I don't want to ruin my relationship, but is there a good way top tell him I just want his blessing, and I don;t need his money? If it is his love or money, I'll take the love. I just think we left off on a bad note after this venue visit.
"Dad, I think we left things on a bad note the other day. I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate your offer very, very much, and it's incredibly kind of you, but I won't be taking you up on it. "
Your dad's money has strings - nasty, cruel, abusive strings. So don't take it. Pay for the wedding yourself, and avoid this particular pitfall with your dad.
But be aware that he may not stop hectoring you about your affection - or his perception of the lack thereof - anytime soon. If he did this to your mother while they were married, it's obviously not really about money or love, but about control. He wants to control you, and if he can use money, great; if he can use guilt, even better. Accusing someone of loving them only for money, and doing so repeatedly, is not the sign of a mentally healthy individual. So take everything he says with a grain of salt the size of Montana, if necessary, if you'd like to continue a relationship; and recognize that you're under no obligation to continue a relationship with someone who treats you like this.
Congratulations on your marriage, and good luck!
Thank you
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