I have been in love with my best friend for years....which he knows since I've flat out told him such. He's never said that he couldn't feel the same way, just that there are several obstacles to us being in a relationship, mainly distance.
Because of my feelings for my friend it drives me nuts when he's in a relationship with someone else. I want him to be happy, but it breaks my heart a little each time he finds someone else. It doesn't help that he usually ends up dating women who are clingy, jealous and think it is OK to use and abuse him. I have a low self-esteem to begin with, but I'd like to think that I'm at least better than these women. However, I can't wrap my head around why he'd want to date people like this rather than giving me a chance.
A few months ago we ended up sleeping together. It was a one time thing and I knew it wasn't going to mean anything to him emotionally and promised myself that I wouldn't let it get to me when he moved on to the next lame girlfriend....and I successfully kept my promise, but after that relationship ended he and I started getting closer and interacting on a level we'd never been on before and I was really starting to think that things were headed in the direction I wanted them to.
Now out of nowhere he's in a new relationship with another girl and I don't know how to cope with it. I want to be supportive as I really do want him to be happy, but the closeness we were developing makes it hurt that much more. How can I call myself a good friend when I'm sitting at home secretly hoping that his relationship will crash and burn so I can have a chance even though it will probably never pan out the way I want it to? Is it bad to stay in a friendship where my heart gets broken constantly? And is it wrong to feel hurt, betrayed and even a little bit angry at him even though he is technically doing nothing wrong and I'm creating the problem with my own feelings?
Because of my feelings for my friend it drives me nuts when he's in a relationship with someone else. I want him to be happy, but it breaks my heart a little each time he finds someone else. It doesn't help that he usually ends up dating women who are clingy, jealous and think it is OK to use and abuse him. I have a low self-esteem to begin with, but I'd like to think that I'm at least better than these women. However, I can't wrap my head around why he'd want to date people like this rather than giving me a chance.
A few months ago we ended up sleeping together. It was a one time thing and I knew it wasn't going to mean anything to him emotionally and promised myself that I wouldn't let it get to me when he moved on to the next lame girlfriend....and I successfully kept my promise, but after that relationship ended he and I started getting closer and interacting on a level we'd never been on before and I was really starting to think that things were headed in the direction I wanted them to.
Now out of nowhere he's in a new relationship with another girl and I don't know how to cope with it. I want to be supportive as I really do want him to be happy, but the closeness we were developing makes it hurt that much more. How can I call myself a good friend when I'm sitting at home secretly hoping that his relationship will crash and burn so I can have a chance even though it will probably never pan out the way I want it to? Is it bad to stay in a friendship where my heart gets broken constantly? And is it wrong to feel hurt, betrayed and even a little bit angry at him even though he is technically doing nothing wrong and I'm creating the problem with my own feelings?
Oh, honey, no. Don't keep doing this to yourself. This asshole is using you, plain and simple. Whenever he's missing the ego boost of a girlfriend, he knows that you'll be there, because you never go anywhere else, and he can just swing by and get his fill of adoration before he moves on to his next relationship.
So stop letting him. Stop being there. Yes, stop being his friend - because this guy has neither respect nor affection for you, and hasn't been your friend probably ever. Run. Run fast, run far, and don't give him your forwarding address.
Will it hurt? Sure. Will it be hard? Of course. Is it the absolute best thing for you? HELL YES.
And to prevent its happening again, take some time to work on yourself and your self-esteem issues. Get some therapy. Pick up a new hobby. Volunteer. Join a MeetUp group that interests you. Absolutely do not get involved with another guy, even platonically, until you're sure that you'd like to date you, because that will give you the ovaries you need not to stay in a one-sided clusterfuck like this.
I've been where you are, and it sucks, but I hope that soon you'll be able to look back at this and see how far you've come, and realize how happy you are without this jerk. Good luck!
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