Sad Mom asks:
I have a 7 year old child, but I hate his personality. I feel bad because he's a cute kid and very smart, but he's a brat and a half. I feel like I need therapry because I love him more than anything in the world - I'd DIE for him, he's biologically born from my body. He just has a personality I do not like. What is WRONG with me??
I'm sure Kate is going to want to chime in on this one as well. Some may say I have no business commenting on someone's parenting, given that I don't have children. Perhaps my response to this will change when whatever magic bounty of common sense that comes with producing spawn is bestowed on me, but I highly doubt it.
Honestly, Sad Mom, your problem is that you raised a bratty kid. He wasn't born from your body with a bad attitude and a sense of entitlement. I can't tell you what it is exactly that you've done wrong, but you've done something.
I can tell you that children are highly intuitive, and hate is a strong word. I can guarantee you that your son knows that you have strong negative feelings toward him. That probably doesn't inspire a lot of trust or respect.
You do have the power to turn your child's attitude around. Start by modeling good behavior. If you're matching his temper with your own, you're teaching him that tantrums are a valid way to approach your problems. If he doesn't have clear rules and boundaries, put them in place.
Just as importantly, praise him for his good behavior. Reward good grades, good manners, etc. Let him see that you do notice and recognize his good qualities.
Things aren't going to change overnight, so don't give up or give in. And if you continue to have these feelings, do seek therapy. No child deserves to have a parent that hates them.
Christy's right: I do have some thoughts on this.
ReplyDeleteChristy touched on the most important point: if you think your child is a brat, it's because that's how you've raised him. Brattiness can be fixed.
But you mention in your letter that your son "has a personality [you] do not like". As you know from life experience, there are people in the world whose personalities just don't mesh with ours - and unfortunately, sometimes those people are our relatives, including our children.
Remember that he's only a child, and that it's up to you to find what's agreeable and most lovable about him. Stick to activities you both enjoy, and try to get his father involved in the things that cause friction between you and your son. I can't clean a room with my daughter: it's simply too frustrating for me, so I leave it to my husband, because he understands her thought process better.
The less time you spend being frustrated or irritated by your son, the more rewarding the time you two spend together will be as a result. Make the effort: I promise you it will pay off, and will be in your son's best interests.