You Spoke Then, Now Forever Hold Your Peace

Crikey writes:

What is wrong with people? My good friend is buying a house and adopting a baby from another country. Lots of life changes, and a normal person would be happy, but not me! She used to complain to me about her husband, even before they were married, because he would put her down or just randomly man-handle her in an effort to shut her up when she would express her opinion on something going on in the house. Finally, I grew tired of being her free counseling, and stopped giving her advice to leave him or see a therapist. I also told her to stop complaining to me if she isn't going to do anything about it. But now she's so excited about the new house they JUST put a down payment on, and the baby they'll be travelling to pick up within the next few months. It's hard to be supportive when she seems to have forgotten all of the terrible things she's told people, NOT JUST ME, about her relationship with her husband.

So it's come to this, since she's a friend do I say something and hope she
sees he's not a good person to her? Do I stay the quiet friend and silently scream in my brain that I want her to get out of her marriage? Or do I just stop talking to her completely? I can't accept losing a friend over this, but it might have to happen.

This is why you should never, ever complain about your spouse to your friends. Even if you and the spouse solve your problems, your friends will remember that he was a dick, and they'll hold it against him.

Crikey, you told her to get counseling, and then you told her to stop complaining. Which is fair enough - I think that was exactly the right thing to do, because it got you out of the middle of her marriage.

Unfortunately, since you're no longer in the middle, you don't know what's going on now. Her husband may have gone into counseling with her, and they may have made a complete turnaround. His behavior - which, by the way, you never say you saw, only that she complained about it - could have changed for the better, and they could be getting along famously now. So famously, in fact, that they've started a new phase of life by adopting a child and buying a home.

You expressed your concerns; now is the time to shut up and be supportive, or let the friendship lapse. Bringing up her husband's alleged bad behavior now, when she's obviously decided to stick around for a while, will do nothing but stir up bad blood between you.