"When she wants something, she don't want to pay for it"

Stealy Dani writes:

Every time I go shopping, I feel compelled to grab something small and leave without paying. I am always worried that the next time will be the time I get caught, but it's just so darn easy. Oftentimes, I just go into dressing rooms and add a layer of free clothing underneath what I am already wearing. You know, as long as it doesn't have a sensor tag or sticker on it. I leave stuff in my food cart without paying. I try and go shopping alone because my fear is to bring someone and they get accused of stealing. Should I just try avoiding shopping for a while, or shop online?

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, and nothing I say herein should be taken to be expert advice from a trained mental-health professional.

First of all, Stealy, you asked the wrong question. Avoiding shopping or shopping online won't solve the problem. It may keep you from stealing for the immediate future, but you're not stealing because you're in need or because you're a career criminal, so avoidance won't stop the behavior forever. That said, YES, please stop stealing immediately if you can!

You need to see a trained therapist to deal with this. You may protest that you can't afford it, and there is an idea that therapy is very expensive, but it needn't be so. There are many counseling options available to you if your health insurance won't cover psychiatric care, or if you don't have health insurance. Many counselors work on a sliding fee scale, especially if they're connected to a free health-care clinic or other low-income health care resource. Google "sliding scale counselors" or "low-income therapists" to get yourself started. And if your insurance does cover it, huzzah! Take full advantage of that coverage.

The therapist should guide you through the reasons you steal, and work to address those issues with you so that you don't need to resort to petty theft to either stop the pain caused by those issues or to engender a high that helps you ignore the issues. Before you go into therapy, you can start to ask yourself why you steal. What makes you think you're entitled to have those things without paying? Does it make you feel smarter than the store staff to get away with it - as if you've put one over on them? Do you think the stores are ripping everyone off, and therefore it's okay if you do the same to them? Answering questions like those will help you and your therapist narrow down your reasons for shoplifting.

Persevere until you find a good therapist that you connect with. Refuse to see anyone who wants to refer you back to your primary care physician for a pill that will "fix" you. You will have to be a partner in your therapy, be an active patient and help the therapist help you. It might be a lot of work - but you'll feel a lot better about yourself if you put in the effort before the criminal justice system forces you.

Good luck. Please let us know how it goes for you.