My kid sister is 15, has a boyfriend. She promised it wouldn't interfere with her schoolwork, and so far it hasn't. But I think things are too serious, because he's over the house EVERY DAY. They go to different schools, and he's going awy this summer for 2 months anyway, but still. I think it's too much at her age, and she should not be with this kid every single day. She should be with her friends doing the things 15 year olds do! And don't say that "15 year old girls do their boyfriends"...It's not funny! So anyway, how do I tell her she needs to spend a few days during the week apart? Also, it's not fair on my parents to feed this kid 7 days out of the week for dinner. He has a troubled home life and I don't think it's right that he's getting attached.
Are you your sister's legal guardian? Oh - no, I see you're not. So to answer the question you asked - "How do I tell her she needs to spend a few days...apart?" - You don't. You're not her mother or her father. You're not in charge of her, and unless she asks you for advice - which you never mention she's done - you keep your mouth shut.
And now to the question you didn't ask: How do you encourage her to be kind to this boy even after they break up? He obviously craves a stable family situation, and your sister and your parents can offer that to him. You may not think it's right that he's reaching out for any life-raft in the storm that is his "troubled home life", but that just makes you a bitch. This kid needs some sort of positive, loving influence, and your family offers that to him. Is he taking something away from you by being cared for this way? No? Then shut the fuck up. "It's not fair on my parents to feed this kid" - It's not fair for him to have shitty parents!
This kid needs your family. It's not simply about dating your sister, though that's what brought him into their lives. Your family is providing him something he doesn't get at home - and frankly, seeing how you turned out, I can't imagine what kind of a horror show his family must be that yours is better, because it's not like they raised you to be a decent, kind, loving human being. Aside from the fact that 15-year-olds have pretty intense focus and attachment to objects of desire, this kid is using your parents as surrogates, and I think that he should be encouraged in that. As miserably as they failed with you, if they're better than his own parents, he should be allowed to hang out as much as he needs.
Grow up. Recognize someone else's needs. If you really want to get this kid away from your sister (for no clear reason that you've articulated, by the way), why don't you find him a Big Brother instead of whining about it?
Dude, I dunno. I disagree. I think 15 is WAY too young to be involved in a serious relationship with a kid who has a troubled home life.
ReplyDeleteFWIW, My opinion falls somewhere between Kate's and Wifezilla's.
ReplyDeleteHater, your sister will be more apt to take your opinion seriously if you don't approach her with the same bossy and sanctimonious tone you used in your note. Let me guess, you didn't have a boyfriend at 15, and you probably don't now. You sound more jealous than concerned. Quit focusing on whether it's fair for your parents to feed this kid or even what you think 15-year-olds should do. It's really not about you, at all.
That said, 15 is young for a serious relationship, and both of these children should be encouraged to explore the world outside of each other. Why don't you invite her out for a girls' night every once in awhile? Or encourage the two of them to hang out with other friends. I think you'll find that with teenagers you get a lot further with gentle guidance than you do by flat out telling them what to do.
And honestly, if he's going away for the summer anyway, you only have to deal with this for a few more weeks. Let them have fun while they have the chance.
Is this relationship really serious, or does Hater just think it is serious because he's spending every day with her family to escape his?
ReplyDelete"...understanding is a three-edged sword: your side, their side .. and the truth."
-- Sheridan to 'Vorlons' in Babylon 5:"Into the Fire"