Yes, Technically, You're Correct....

Vanessa writes:

How do I deal with a husband who resorts to name calling when he is mad? He says he doesn't mean it, but then don't say something you don't mean. For example, just yesterday he was upset with himself for forgetting his wallet at home. Instead of breathing it out and realizing it wasn't a big deal (and I could bring it to him) he immediately started to get mad and tell me I treat him like crap. I did not even bother bringing his wallet.

Then that night, he was complaining that he stubbed his toe and it hurt, so I told him there's nothing he could do about it so put a band aid on it, and he then gave me the finger and told me he wanted a divorce because of how badly I treat him. I asked him why he was so angry, and he said I always treat him bad. I asked for an example, and he said that I could have offered to make him coffee after his long day yesterday, but I didn't. So now I am not speaking to him because he needs space and I need to figure out what I want to say next. Asshole. Any
words o wisdom? I also printed out some therapist recommendations for him because the way he expresses his anger is unacceptable to me. When he tries to call me or speak to me today, I plan to give it to him.

I'm glad you've already considered therapy, because you both need it. Yes. Both of you.

Name-calling and excessive anger over little things are not good behaviors, obviously. But neither is brushing off his pain (yes, even for a stubbed toe, a little empathy goes a long way) or giving him the silent treatment. You both need to learn to express all emotions to each other in more constructive ways, and you need to learn to fight fair.

At this point, you both deserve each other. But I don't think either of you wants to live this way for the next 50 years, and if you don't solve this problem and just divorce, you'll both repeat the pattern with your next partners. This kind of childish inability to express yourselves needs to be nipped in the bud, and quick.

I think a combination of couples' counseling and individual sessions should do the trick, as well as perhaps working through some self-help exercises. Peruse the "marriage" section of your local bookstore, and I'm sure you'll find some tools to help you immediately.

Good luck!