That's A Lot of Flowers

Lora asks:


I have so many ex boyfriends and I remain friends with most of them. They often send me flowers on my birthday and random gifts "just 'cuz". It's gso nice of them! My current boyfriend of a year doesn't understand that these guys do this for me and there's nothing going on. How can I explain to him that this is strictly platonic? I don't want any past boyfriends back, and just because I see them at the bars or clubs (because we always hang out at the same places) doesn't mean anything is going on. HELP!!


I'm not against remaining friendly with your exes. What I am against is being so friendly with them that it damages your current relationship. Something doesn't seem right here. Are you sure there's nothing going on with any of these guys? Are you really sure? Are you sure none of them think there's something going on? A lot of men can't even manage to send their own wives and girlfriends flowers for their birthdays, so the fact that you have so many men doing so for their ex is a little amazing, and a little unbelievable.

Sending flowers "just 'cuz" is an act of courtship, and in my opinion it's highly inappropriate for any man who is not your boyfriend to be doing this. It shows a lack of respect for the relationship you're in, and I can see why your current boyfriend is bothered by it.

And be sure that it's something you are doing that is encouraging these guys to treat you this way. Your boyfriend probably isn't happy about that either. People don't go out of their way to make romantic gestures if they don't have some hope that the feelings will be returned. I'm not necessarily saying you should send the flowers back; that would be rude. But you can nicely say that while the gift is appreciated, you want to make sure the boundaries of your friendship are clear.

As far as seeing these guys, bars and clubs are big places. Running into someone you know does not obligate you to hang out with them. Say hello and go about your business. If you love your boyfriend and value your relationship, you'll put these friendships on the back-burner. If he's not important enough for you to do that, then you should cut him loose and find someone who is.

The bottom line is, you need to decide what's more important to you: your boyfriend or the attention you're getting from your exes. Then you need to act accordingly.