I think my husband thinks because I'm a girl that I have to do the majority of "women's work". How do I get him to see that we both have things to do around the house?
It might help if you stop referring to yourself - a grown-ass married woman - as a "girl", just for starters.
You should have discussed division of labor when you first moved in together. Yes, I'm assuming that you lived together before marriage; if you didn't, you should have discussed division of labor as part of your preparations for marriage. Since you didn't, you have to discuss it now.
If both of you work outside the home, full-time, you need an equal division of labor. Make a list of all the chores related to keeping the home - sweeping, mopping, laundry, cooking, mowing the lawn, washing the cars, painting the house, common repairs. Go through the list together and offer to do the chores you don't mind, or even enjoy (I love to cook, for example, and don't mind doing the laundry at all.). He should offer to do the ones he doesn't mind. For the ones leftover, decide if you can hire someone to do them for you (it may be worth it if you both hate them), and if not, if you want to alternate doing them, do them together, or draw straws or some other method for getting them done. This ensures all the chores are done, and no one feels resentment because they always get stuck doing the things they hate.
If one of you works part-time, it's perfectly reasonable to assume that one will do more in and around the house than the other. If you're a part-timer, your chore assignments will depend on your schedule: you might not be available to pull weeds on the weekends, for example, but you can throw something in the crockpot on weekdays so that the full-timer comes home to a nutritious meal. The part-timer can start the laundry if the full-timer folds it, etc., etc. There may be more chores the part-timer is expected to do, but "division of labor" should include the time spent working outside the home, as without it, there wouldn't be a home to care for.
If one of you doesn't work at all, then yes, the bulk of the work around the home falls to that one. There is nothing wrong with this arrangement; working inside the home is not demeaning or less necessary than working outside of it. It isn't out of the question for whoever works outside the home to expect that a stay-at-home-spouse (SAHS) will keep a clean, inviting, well-organized and tended home. The SAHS should take pride in this, as it is a job, just like any one outside the home is; the pay is in having time to do things together, and not fight about chores.
You will notice that nothing I've said here references gender. That's because gender doesn't matter. There is no such thing as "women's work". There is work outside the home and work inside the home, and both contribute to a functioning relationship and a fulfilling home life. If your husband fails to see you as a fully-realized human being in your own right, and insists upon treating you like a "girl", like some "other" because you're female, well, that's a different question altogether. Chores are chores are chores - none of those involved in keeping a home require a certain set of genitalia, and should never be treated as if they do.
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