How do I tell mom I don't want her to invite her random friends to my shower? They aren't invited to the wedding, the wedding that I am paying for. I don't know these people. Or does she get to invite whomever she wants because she's chosen to host a shower?
You have two issues here, Jibba. First, no, you can't tell your mother whom to invite to a party she's hosting. She's the hostess; she makes the decisions.
Except when your second issue rears its head: No, she can't invite people to the shower who aren't invited to the wedding. Ever. For any reason. It's tacky, it's gift-grabby, and it simply Shouldn't Be Done.
Both of you are in the wrong, here, so it's time to start over. Thank your mother for offering to throw you a shower, and then give her your wedding guest list. Remind her - gently, please! - that only those invited to the wedding may be considered to be guests at a shower, and that your guest list is final. This is the end of your input on the shower.
If your mother insists on inviting her friends, regardless of their being invited to the wedding, well, then she looks rude. Remember that you can only control your own actions and reactions. You can't make your mother do what you want; you can only guide her in the right direction and then let anything else roll off your back.
A note, here, on family throwing showers: I know I may get some comments that disagree with me, but I don't believe family throwing showers is rude anymore. It used to be that when a woman was living at home before her marriage, her getting a lot of stuff at the shower was of immediate benefit to the family, and therefore, it was tacky for them to be involved in shower-planning.
Considering that women should be out of their parents' home before they marry these days, I can't see how immediate family benefit when their grown child receives gifts, so the whole "mom throwing the shower" point isn't one of poor etiquette.
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