My fiance's family is a little nuts I think. His aunt asked us if certain friends of the family were invited, and due to budget and space, certain people were excluded from our list. We explained this to her, and kept the guest list to only immediate family members and very VERY few friends. His aunt printed up invitations on her computer with our wedding information on it and handed them out to the people she felt should have been invited, which is total about 20 people.
My future mother in law defended his aunt saying that she was just excited and we should let her just have this moment of happiness or whatever, but we're not in a position to let people create their own guest lists!!! I mean, we're adults and shouldn't be bullied by our elders into doing what they want us to do.
We have contacted these people as well as his aunt, but we're now afraid that some people may have been given an invitation without RSVPing and will just show up. Would it be wrong to now contact the people
who we originally invited to ask them to present their invitation, the one WE sent to them, at the venue entrance so they could go in and have a place to sit? We don't know how to anticipate the crashers.
who we originally invited to ask them to present their invitation, the one WE sent to them, at the venue entrance so they could go in and have a place to sit? We don't know how to anticipate the crashers.
Well, no, I wouldn't have my guests present an invitation. They've been invited, and are abiding by the rules: why should they have to prove that they're in the right? That's terrible hosting.
But it's not rude to politely turn away uninvited guests at the door. If you can station a couple of people near the door, they should be able to head off the uninvited as they come in, or while they search for their table assignments or something similar. Anyone you choose for this job should be able to steer the offenders toward the door, telling them kindly but firmly that, no, in fact, letting them in simply won't be possible. Hope they have a good night.
But more troubling to me is that you never say what your fiance did about his mother and aunt. Did he tell them this was unacceptable behavior? Did he make it absolutely crystal clear that this was an appalling stunt? Or did he just sort of let them get away with it, and then clean up the mess?
Because, honey, if he's not reading them the riot act? This won't be the last time you're cleaning up a mess they insist they had a right to make. Do you want to live with that for the next fifty or sixty years?
Only worry about the uninvited once you've answered that question - because depending on how this situation went down, that worry might be moot.
How will we know who is uninvited? Not aall guests will know one another, so we won't know who was uninvited unless someone keeps a guest list at the door and checks off the names.
ReplyDeleteEasy. You have a seating chart of INVITED guests who have RSVP'd. If your name isn't on the chart/list, you get turned away. Of course you may need to hire a bouncer to check the list...
ReplyDeleteGreat Idea!!! Thanks! I think I can ask someone at the venuw to handle it and then get me or FIANCE when we have to turn someone away!
ReplyDeleteMy future husband heard what his aunt was doing through his mother and when he told his mother that this was not acceptable, the mother basically defended the aunt and told him we need to accept what was happening. This all happened behind our backs, Aunt won't give us her guest list so now it's a matter of damage control.
I would have another sit down with Aunt and MIL and let them know just how unacceptable and embarrassing this is. Ask them what they expect to happen when people show up and don't have seats or meals.
ReplyDeleteDon't overlook Kate's point that if these women can successfully steamroll you now, they won't think twice about doing it for your entire marriage. If you don't want to deal with these shenanigans for the rest of your life, you need to nip it in the bud now.