Libby asks:
I'm pregnant and having a girl! My husband is not thrilled and is talking about when we should start trying again for a boy, and I'm still 3 months away from having this one! I'm trying to see how this birth goes before signing on for more. He suggested IVF for gender selection because he did some research for the next kid. How can I get him to see that he'll love the baby and the baby will love him no matter what we have?
It sounds like your husband is experiencing gender disappointment. It's not terribly uncommon for men not to feel bonded to their children until after they are born. It's also possible that he has an easier time imagining a bond with a child of the same sex as he. Going as far as suggesting gender selection for your next child is heading into the extreme territory and would cause me some concern.
Start by talking to him. Ask him why he wants a boy, and what his fears are with relation to having a girl. Be supportive, and let him know that you're confident that he'll be a wonderful father. Ask that all discussions of future children and the possibility of pricy, non-medically necessary procedures be tabled until after you both get your sea legs with this baby.
If, after the baby is born, he continues to have trouble bonding or seems to resent your daughter, then it's time for counseling. I certainly would be hesitant to have more children with him if it meant risking having him favor one over the other.
Nice husband. What is going to happen if you have this girl and he is unhappy with it? Is he adamant about having a boy? Does he want to keep trying until you guys hve a boy, and does he know that not all things go as planned? I am shocked that this is the type of guy he is and you waited until you're having a kid with him to show concern over his sexist attitude. I hope he doesn't act like a sexist to your daughter.
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