Gretchen asks:
My brother's wife wants to name their kid after a relative who was abusive to me but no one really knows this. I thought I put the past behind me, but it's hurtful to know this relative was abusive to me as a child. I can honestly say I am just happy that my brother was not harmed. Is there a proper way to let them know that the name they are considering is bringing back old memories, or should I just deal with it and mind my business?
Obviously, you've kept the abuse a secret for many, many years. To answer your question, you need to ask yourself what's more important: protecting your secret, or not allowing the person who hurt you to be honored with a child named after him.
You can't ask your brother to use a different name without providing an explanation, and you can't predict how your brother will react to this news. It's very possible that your situation will be made public, and will cause a serious rift in your family. For whatever reason, you've chosen to avoid this until now. Will you be prepared to face it if you have to?
For anyone who has suffered abuse, I strongly recommend therapy. You've been forcing yourself to deal with it alone for years, and you deserve some help. I hope it helps you find your answer, and I wish you the best of luck.
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