The Tagalong

Lisa asks:

I can't stand my friend's new boyfriend but I will never tell her this. But the only have been going out for about 10 months and he's practically living with her. He doesn't help her financially I assume because whenever I ask her to do anything she complains she has no money, and tells me how lucky I am to have two incomes (since I am married). She always wants to bring him out with us if it's just the two of us, and I do not enjoy his company. Last time I asked her to come over, she asked if she could bring this dude, and I told her, " I was just hoping we could get together without the guys."



She took it to mean I never want to see this guy. I never told her this in those words, but does she really have to bring him along wherever she goes? So I told her that things are getting serious with this guy, and she said they aren't (WHAT? Why is he sleeping over 7 nights a week???) but this guy is now a part of her life and he should be included. Whe i go over there, she busts her butt cleaning up, and he doesn't so much as move away from in front of the TV except to light another cigarette while my friend takes out the trash. And then I am stuck with this guy talking to me about boring things.


He's boring, he talks too much about things I don't care about, and I think she can do better. But this is not info I think she wants to hear. Should I just dump her as a friend because she doesn't seem to get it, or should I bring up that this relationship seems like it's too much? I don't even know how to approach her. It's not my business to like him or his personality since SHE is the one who has to date him, but for goodness sake, I think I am entitled to ask my friend to have an evening out without her boyfriend tagging along.


And what is wrong with this guy anyway, that he actually comes along with her??? Why doesn't he have his own friends??? UGH!

Remember the old adage "actions speak louder than words?" You may have never told your friend "in those  words" that you don't like this guy and don't ever want to hang out with him. But it's obvious that that's the way you feel, and as a close friend, she's probably picked up on it.

Unless you believe he's hurting her, stealing from her, or involving her in illegal activity, it really isn't your place to comment on the quality of her relationship with him. If she's willing to be the breadwinner and do all the housework while he plays video games, that's her perogative. When she brings up the fact that her situation makes her unhappy, then you can try reasoning with her about the guy. Constantly trying to avoid him isn't going to solve your problem, because to her it just looks like you're the one with the problem.

It's certainly reasonable to plan a girls night every once in awhile. If she's never willing to be apart from him then your best bet is to just step back from the friendship for awhile and be there for her when she comes around.