Monday, July 5, 2010

If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say....

Shelby writes:

I recently and stupidly told my husband about some unsavory things a friend of mine said about him. I thought it was not serious, but my hubs was offended and would like me not to spend time with this person who he thinks does not have respect for him or my relationship with him. It's my fault for complaining, but she did say these things. Should I respect my husband's wishes or should I tell him that this is my friend and deal with it?

Why do you want to still be friends with someone who insulted your husband?

I don't know that your husband has the right to forbid you to see someone (mine doesn't), but I'm sure he's speaking from his hurt feelings and not from rationality. He probably doesn't understand why you didn't stand up for him, why you didn't tell your "friend" where she could shove her insults, and is trying to cause her the same pain she's caused him.

Because not only did you not stand up for him, you came running home to tell him that someone had said something nasty about him. What would you do if the situation were reversed?

I think you should apologize to your husband and consider whether or not this person is truly a friend after all. And if you decide to keep her in your life, you need to make it crystal clear that denigrating your spouse is not going to fly anymore.

You chose this man: please treat him kindly.

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