Sarah asks:

I'm expecting a baby in a few weeks. I may not have to return to work right away, but I will eventually. My concern is the babysitting situation. I'm getting pressure from my SIL to let her mother watch the baby because she already watches my SILs kids. The argument is that MIL would get her feelings hurt if we took our child to a daycare provider. The thought of leaving my child with MIL makes me very uncomfortable because she does not speak English. She can't call me with questions or concerns, and if there's an emergency I'm not confident that she'd have her wits about her to remain calm and call 911 or go to a neighbor for help. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to put my child's well-being ahead of my MIL's feelings, but am I being a worry wort?

Ultimately, the decision of whom to leave your child with is for you and your husband to make, not your Sister in Law, or Mother in Law, or even me. It could be that your SIL is pressuring you into this because she doesn't want to feel like a freeloader. Does your MIL really want to be the family's free day-care provider, or is this a situation where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't?

On one hand, she raised your husband and he turned out well enough that you decided to marry him. On the other, if you think her age has brought on physical or mental limitations, you have a valid concern about what would happen in an emergency. Talk to your husband and discuss all your options. Make sure whatever decision you come to is made in the best interest of the child, and not out of whatever issues you may have with your Mother in Law.

If you do choose to go with a day care provider, just be mindful of how you present the news to her. "We want to keep our child as far away from you as possible" won't go over as well as "MIL, you're already so busy and you do so much for us already--thank you, by the way, for the dinner you brought by, Lord knows I'm hardly capable of cooking for myself let alone a whole family--we just didn't want to burden you with a newborn to watch during the day. We're sure babykins will still get to see plenty of you, seeing as how you pop in to visit 5 times a week."