Ann writes:
I loaned my car to my daughter for a work event she was attending. Her car was in the shop, and I offered to let her use mine because it was for an important meeting and this way she didn't have to rent a car. She was reimbursed for mileage and gas. Well, she was the driver for herself and 3 other larger ladies. I have an older car, and it seems that the weight of the 3 women plus my daughter caused the transmission to drop out from underneath. This didn't happen until I drove out from my driveway into the street the next day, My daughter said she didn't have any problems with the car.
Well, I called her company and spoke to her supervisor to tell them I feel they should reimburse me for the $140 in damages it cost to fix the dropped transmission, and they said they are not liable for what happened to my car after she returned from the meeting. My daughter is upset that I would go behind her back and contact her boss, but I did not do this to my car. She said she'd pay me half of what it cost to fix the problem, but I think her company should pay. Who's right??
Well. First of all, let me answer the question. If someone damages property that they have borrowed, they should of course offer reimbursement to repair said property or to buy a new item. It would be up to your daughter to take that reimbursement up with her boss, since she incurred the expense during a work event.
Likewise, the company has every right to deny the claim, considering any damage happened after your daughter returned the car. You shouldn't have been making the claim in the first place, and you shouldn't be upset that the company claims zero liability.
But I have to call shenanigans on the technical part of your letter. Your transmission dropped what? A gear? Out of the car? Either way, it would cost a hell of a lot more than $140 to fix any part of a transmission (except maybe a general flush and re-lube). And I don't really see any way for the weight of four people who - and yes, I'm assuming here, but I think it's a sound assumption - fit in the vehicle to make it so heavy that the transmission would fail to operate properly over the course of one day.
More likely, your transmission was failing before you ever loaned the car. I don't know if your mechanic was trying to wiggle out of failing to notice a problem at your last scheduled service, or if you made this story fit together out of a mangled understanding of physics and what was actual wrong with your vehicle, but there's just no way your daughter's coworkers caused this problem.
So, ultimately, no one owes you any money - and you probably owe your daughter an apology.
Showing posts with label common sense. Show all posts
Showing posts with label common sense. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Is It Your Womb? Then Shut Up.
Lucie writes:
I am so excited to be a grandparent to be! My son told me his wife is newly pregnant, and in my excitement I started to tell our friends and family members about the new arrival. My son found out, and he became upset with me because he asked me to not tell people yet. But how can I keep the news to myself??? This is a joyous occasion! They had trouble conceiving he finally admitted and was worried about the outcome, but I think he's just paranoid. What could possibly happen?
Besides, all of our friends and family members are excited and so happy to know their news, so it's a good thing I shared. My son seems to be the opposite, and I think perhaps he's just not as happy as he should be. I don't know why he wants to take this away from me, but he doesn't even want to talk about the new baby. Any advice on how to make him see that this is a happy thing and he should be overjoyed like I am? This is my first grandbaby, coming in late April!
So your son asked you not to do something, and you did it anyway. When he got upset, you told him that you're just excited, and he's just paranoid, and you didn't do anything wrong.
Regardless of what the subject is - pregnancy, buying a new car, whatever - you're wrong. Your son confided in you because you're a close family member, and because he trusted you with a secret. You not only trampled that trust, but you completely dismissed his feelings of betrayal.
Whether or not he's paranoid, you're selfish. Don't be surprised if he never tells you anything sensitive again.
And "what's the worst that could happen?" Well, let's see: miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, birth defects - there are plenty of things that can go wrong, and lots of ways to lose a baby, especially early on. I wouldn't want to have to tell people I lost a child, and I certainly wouldn't want it to be common knowledge to every random person my mother encounters in the course of a day.
Think beyond yourself. This is not about you.
I am so excited to be a grandparent to be! My son told me his wife is newly pregnant, and in my excitement I started to tell our friends and family members about the new arrival. My son found out, and he became upset with me because he asked me to not tell people yet. But how can I keep the news to myself??? This is a joyous occasion! They had trouble conceiving he finally admitted and was worried about the outcome, but I think he's just paranoid. What could possibly happen?
Besides, all of our friends and family members are excited and so happy to know their news, so it's a good thing I shared. My son seems to be the opposite, and I think perhaps he's just not as happy as he should be. I don't know why he wants to take this away from me, but he doesn't even want to talk about the new baby. Any advice on how to make him see that this is a happy thing and he should be overjoyed like I am? This is my first grandbaby, coming in late April!
So your son asked you not to do something, and you did it anyway. When he got upset, you told him that you're just excited, and he's just paranoid, and you didn't do anything wrong.
Regardless of what the subject is - pregnancy, buying a new car, whatever - you're wrong. Your son confided in you because you're a close family member, and because he trusted you with a secret. You not only trampled that trust, but you completely dismissed his feelings of betrayal.
Whether or not he's paranoid, you're selfish. Don't be surprised if he never tells you anything sensitive again.
And "what's the worst that could happen?" Well, let's see: miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, birth defects - there are plenty of things that can go wrong, and lots of ways to lose a baby, especially early on. I wouldn't want to have to tell people I lost a child, and I certainly wouldn't want it to be common knowledge to every random person my mother encounters in the course of a day.
Think beyond yourself. This is not about you.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Elevators Are Like Common Courtesy Vacuums
Tired of getting run into asks:
Ok, so is it just me or does common courtesy dictate that when exiting an elevator, if you are all getting off on the same floor, the people in front should exit first?
This happens more often than not at the elevator for my parking structure at work. We all are getting off on the same floor as we are all heading to work. I have been closest to the door, and when the doors open? Wham! Someone runs into me to get off before me.
Please tell me there isn't some unspoken rule I don't know about...
For some reason people lose all respect for other human beings when they're in an elevator. It's a strange phenomenon, but I've witnessed it time and again. You are absolutely right to be annoyed with your rude coworkers.
For the convenience of all our readers, I've compiled a refresher course on elevator etiquette. If you have more Do's and Don'ts, please leave them in the comments.
1. When waiting for an elevator, stand to the side of the doors. When the doors open, allow anyone who needs to to exit the elevator before you enter.
2. Hold the *&%$# door. If you hear footsteps rushing to the elevator--or worse--someone yelling "Hold it, please," why oh why wouldn't you wait for them? Are you in that much of a hurry to get to your desk?
3. Exit the elevator in a courteous and orderly manner. If it's a crowded elevator, allow the people closest to the door off first. If you're standing in the doorway but not getting off, step to the side and allow others to pass. If the elevator is not particularly crowded, women and children should be allowed to exit first (because chivalry is not dead).
4. If you are able-bodied, never take the elevator down one floor. If you are able bodied and the building is fewer than 5 stories, never take the elevator up one floor. If the building is greater than 20 stories, never take the elevator down fewer than 5 floors or up fewer than 3. All buildings have stairs. Oftentimes, the stairs are faster than waiting for the elevator. And who doesn't need the exercise?
5. If you are taking the elevator to a place that has metal detectors, and you are alone in the elevator with a woman, do not start unbuckling your belt before the doors open. That's just creepy.
Ok, so is it just me or does common courtesy dictate that when exiting an elevator, if you are all getting off on the same floor, the people in front should exit first?
This happens more often than not at the elevator for my parking structure at work. We all are getting off on the same floor as we are all heading to work. I have been closest to the door, and when the doors open? Wham! Someone runs into me to get off before me.
Please tell me there isn't some unspoken rule I don't know about...
For some reason people lose all respect for other human beings when they're in an elevator. It's a strange phenomenon, but I've witnessed it time and again. You are absolutely right to be annoyed with your rude coworkers.
For the convenience of all our readers, I've compiled a refresher course on elevator etiquette. If you have more Do's and Don'ts, please leave them in the comments.
1. When waiting for an elevator, stand to the side of the doors. When the doors open, allow anyone who needs to to exit the elevator before you enter.
2. Hold the *&%$# door. If you hear footsteps rushing to the elevator--or worse--someone yelling "Hold it, please," why oh why wouldn't you wait for them? Are you in that much of a hurry to get to your desk?
3. Exit the elevator in a courteous and orderly manner. If it's a crowded elevator, allow the people closest to the door off first. If you're standing in the doorway but not getting off, step to the side and allow others to pass. If the elevator is not particularly crowded, women and children should be allowed to exit first (because chivalry is not dead).
4. If you are able-bodied, never take the elevator down one floor. If you are able bodied and the building is fewer than 5 stories, never take the elevator up one floor. If the building is greater than 20 stories, never take the elevator down fewer than 5 floors or up fewer than 3. All buildings have stairs. Oftentimes, the stairs are faster than waiting for the elevator. And who doesn't need the exercise?
5. If you are taking the elevator to a place that has metal detectors, and you are alone in the elevator with a woman, do not start unbuckling your belt before the doors open. That's just creepy.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Just Let Him Figure It Out In The Delivery Room
Rosalita asks:
Do you know of any cutie pie ways to tell my husband I am pregnant? We hadn't been trying very long, so it was quite a shock to me when I found out a few months ago. I went to the doctor and got all the necessary tests out of the way to make sure everything is going according to schedule. I had my recent first trimester scan and saw the whole face and fingers and hands! I was thinking of showing him the sonogram picture and telling him this is our baby! I have to think of something before I really REALLY start to look pregnant! He just thinks all the sex we keep having is really making a difference in my figure lol. Are balloons overkill?
I think at this point you need to stop looking for cutie pie ways to reveal your pregnancy and start looking for cutie pie ways to say, "I'm sorry I deprived you of the first trimester of our child's life." I can't even imagine taking a pregnancy test without telling my husband. You went to the first sonogram without him? It's not even like this is a surprise pregnancy (though it seems like it was to you, despite the fact that you had been trying).
Really, it doesn't matter how you tell him. Sure, get balloons. Put the sonogram in a cutesy "World's Best Daddy" frame. Who cares. Just tell the poor man that you're having a baby, and he has 3 fewer months to get the nursery ready than most dads do.
Do you know of any cutie pie ways to tell my husband I am pregnant? We hadn't been trying very long, so it was quite a shock to me when I found out a few months ago. I went to the doctor and got all the necessary tests out of the way to make sure everything is going according to schedule. I had my recent first trimester scan and saw the whole face and fingers and hands! I was thinking of showing him the sonogram picture and telling him this is our baby! I have to think of something before I really REALLY start to look pregnant! He just thinks all the sex we keep having is really making a difference in my figure lol. Are balloons overkill?
I think at this point you need to stop looking for cutie pie ways to reveal your pregnancy and start looking for cutie pie ways to say, "I'm sorry I deprived you of the first trimester of our child's life." I can't even imagine taking a pregnancy test without telling my husband. You went to the first sonogram without him? It's not even like this is a surprise pregnancy (though it seems like it was to you, despite the fact that you had been trying).
Really, it doesn't matter how you tell him. Sure, get balloons. Put the sonogram in a cutesy "World's Best Daddy" frame. Who cares. Just tell the poor man that you're having a baby, and he has 3 fewer months to get the nursery ready than most dads do.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
That's Okay, I Didn't Like Snacks at the Movies, Anyway.
Alvina writes:
My feet are quite fragrant towards the middle of the day, and I like to kick my shoes off at my desk and let them air out. I am not offended by the aroma and I often enjoy it. How do I know if someone else may be offended in the desks next to mine, should I just ask them? It's sometimes like popcorn so it's actually pretty pleasant.
No, it's not. It's disgusting. I would put actual cash money down that your coworkers are wondering how to tell you to keep your damn shoes on.
If you want to smell your grody foot stank, feel free to do so - in your own home.
My feet are quite fragrant towards the middle of the day, and I like to kick my shoes off at my desk and let them air out. I am not offended by the aroma and I often enjoy it. How do I know if someone else may be offended in the desks next to mine, should I just ask them? It's sometimes like popcorn so it's actually pretty pleasant.
No, it's not. It's disgusting. I would put actual cash money down that your coworkers are wondering how to tell you to keep your damn shoes on.
If you want to smell your grody foot stank, feel free to do so - in your own home.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
How About That Sense Of Entitlement?
Annry asks:
I recently bought a dress on Ebay from a local bridal shop who seemed to be selling dresses at a low low price. The dress I wanted retails for $2500, but I bought it online for only $750 and transfered my money from my bank account, shipping was free with the buy it now option. They said the dress would arrive in 3 weeks, but then 6 weeks came and went and they did not reply to my emails. I decided it was time to go to the store in person and they had no record of my dress. What is worse is, they also said they do not sell discounted dresses on Ebay and there is nothing they can do because apparently someone took the name of their store without permission and is claiming to sell dresses! It's a scam and they had other brides come in who had done the same thing. I was furious, and felt that they should still honor the order I placed because it was in their company's name! They said they can offer me a discount if I wanted to order the dress I wanted, but then I'd actually pay more for the dress because of the original price of $750 I already paid. How do I get the store to honor this agreement and just order me the dress I want???
Why do you think the store owes you anything? They never made an agreement with you, some anonymous scammer on the internet did. Having their name used illegally does not make them responsible for the sale.
It sounds like you just learned an expensive lesson in how to do business on eBay. Never, ever bid on a big ticket item without doing your research. And I'm not just talking about looking at the seller's rating. Read the feedback, look at the sale history, contact the seller.
You know the old saying, "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is"? Did you wonder why a local store would sell dresses online for a third of what they sold for in store? Did you call the store to confirm the sale?
The bottom line here is that you were careless. It sucks to get scammed, and I'm sorry it happened to you, but it's absolutely not up to the store to take take the financial hit for your mistake.
It's time to start focusing your efforts on more constructive ways to fix this problem. First, report the scam to eBay. They can't catch everyone, but obviously it's in their best interest as a company to keep scammers off the site. Also, depending on your payment method, you may be able to get at least a partial refund. PayPal offers some limited scam protection, or your credit card company may have a way to reverse the sale. So contact them and see what you can do about getting your money back.
I recently bought a dress on Ebay from a local bridal shop who seemed to be selling dresses at a low low price. The dress I wanted retails for $2500, but I bought it online for only $750 and transfered my money from my bank account, shipping was free with the buy it now option. They said the dress would arrive in 3 weeks, but then 6 weeks came and went and they did not reply to my emails. I decided it was time to go to the store in person and they had no record of my dress. What is worse is, they also said they do not sell discounted dresses on Ebay and there is nothing they can do because apparently someone took the name of their store without permission and is claiming to sell dresses! It's a scam and they had other brides come in who had done the same thing. I was furious, and felt that they should still honor the order I placed because it was in their company's name! They said they can offer me a discount if I wanted to order the dress I wanted, but then I'd actually pay more for the dress because of the original price of $750 I already paid. How do I get the store to honor this agreement and just order me the dress I want???
Why do you think the store owes you anything? They never made an agreement with you, some anonymous scammer on the internet did. Having their name used illegally does not make them responsible for the sale.
It sounds like you just learned an expensive lesson in how to do business on eBay. Never, ever bid on a big ticket item without doing your research. And I'm not just talking about looking at the seller's rating. Read the feedback, look at the sale history, contact the seller.
You know the old saying, "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is"? Did you wonder why a local store would sell dresses online for a third of what they sold for in store? Did you call the store to confirm the sale?
The bottom line here is that you were careless. It sucks to get scammed, and I'm sorry it happened to you, but it's absolutely not up to the store to take take the financial hit for your mistake.
It's time to start focusing your efforts on more constructive ways to fix this problem. First, report the scam to eBay. They can't catch everyone, but obviously it's in their best interest as a company to keep scammers off the site. Also, depending on your payment method, you may be able to get at least a partial refund. PayPal offers some limited scam protection, or your credit card company may have a way to reverse the sale. So contact them and see what you can do about getting your money back.
Monday, August 2, 2010
The Bed is the Least of Your Worries.
S. A. writes:
My fiance became sick recently with really bad flu symptoms. He was hospitalized for 2 days because of the fluids he lost and they thought it might have been a form of meningitis. Thank goodness he's home and getting better, but he's still feeling sick. I offered to stay home with him and even had the time approved, and we live together, but my future mother in law insisted I save my vacation time for the wedding. Well, this was fine, until I came home to find my future mother in law giving my husband a bath in our master bathroom, and she was in her bra and panties. My jaw dropped and I went to leave when she apologized for letting herself in my home unannounced. She recovered when I walked in the bathroom and said she got her clothes wet helping him into the tub, but her clothes were laying on my bed (MY SHARED BED WITH MY FUTURE HUSBAND) and they were completely dry. I think it was very awkward for my fiance as well, and he hasn't said anything about it. Do I dare think he and his mom have an inappropriate relationship? I mean they seem like a normal family, but it's not like my husband still has a fever or anything and is fully capable of showering by himself when I was home the day before with him.
I'm concerned that the part of this story you seem most upset about is that your future mother-in-laws clothes were on your bed, and not that your future husband was naked in a bathtub with his mother. Yes, you should think he and his mom have an inappropriate relationship. I wouldn't even take the time to ask him about it, I'd be too busy packing my things and getting out of there as fast as humanly possible.
My fiance became sick recently with really bad flu symptoms. He was hospitalized for 2 days because of the fluids he lost and they thought it might have been a form of meningitis. Thank goodness he's home and getting better, but he's still feeling sick. I offered to stay home with him and even had the time approved, and we live together, but my future mother in law insisted I save my vacation time for the wedding. Well, this was fine, until I came home to find my future mother in law giving my husband a bath in our master bathroom, and she was in her bra and panties. My jaw dropped and I went to leave when she apologized for letting herself in my home unannounced. She recovered when I walked in the bathroom and said she got her clothes wet helping him into the tub, but her clothes were laying on my bed (MY SHARED BED WITH MY FUTURE HUSBAND) and they were completely dry. I think it was very awkward for my fiance as well, and he hasn't said anything about it. Do I dare think he and his mom have an inappropriate relationship? I mean they seem like a normal family, but it's not like my husband still has a fever or anything and is fully capable of showering by himself when I was home the day before with him.
I'm concerned that the part of this story you seem most upset about is that your future mother-in-laws clothes were on your bed, and not that your future husband was naked in a bathtub with his mother. Yes, you should think he and his mom have an inappropriate relationship. I wouldn't even take the time to ask him about it, I'd be too busy packing my things and getting out of there as fast as humanly possible.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
You Mean Living in a Society Means I Have To Deal With People?
Elsa asks:
Why do people with large strollers think that everyone around them has to move out of their way, wait for them to decide to walk, and hold doors when we might be in more of a hurry? Maybe manufacturers should include owner instructions for people who don't realize that the large SUV sized strollers are an inconvenience, and it's not only them walking the streets needing to go places.
I grant you that it's annoying when people take up an entire walkway and either walk slowly or just stop. But I'm not on board with the stroller hate.
There's a nice double standard here, where you don't want to be inconvenienced by people with children, and yet you expect them to inconvenience themselves for you? I'm sure everyone would love to pay a babysitter every time they need to run to the store for a gallon of milk. And the mom who's pushing 30 pounds of baby, stroller, baby gear, and shopping bags should be happy to take a minute and a half to struggle through a heavy door when it would have taken you 5 seconds to hold it for her.
Jesus be some common courtesy. You get out of this world exactly what you put into it. If you want to have a bad attitude, go ahead. Sneer at and slam doors on new moms. Let us know where that gets you. You might find that when you start treating people with charity and respect you'll be met with genuine appreciation and kindness. Maybe then you won't get so unduly angered by stupid things.
Why do people with large strollers think that everyone around them has to move out of their way, wait for them to decide to walk, and hold doors when we might be in more of a hurry? Maybe manufacturers should include owner instructions for people who don't realize that the large SUV sized strollers are an inconvenience, and it's not only them walking the streets needing to go places.
I grant you that it's annoying when people take up an entire walkway and either walk slowly or just stop. But I'm not on board with the stroller hate.
There's a nice double standard here, where you don't want to be inconvenienced by people with children, and yet you expect them to inconvenience themselves for you? I'm sure everyone would love to pay a babysitter every time they need to run to the store for a gallon of milk. And the mom who's pushing 30 pounds of baby, stroller, baby gear, and shopping bags should be happy to take a minute and a half to struggle through a heavy door when it would have taken you 5 seconds to hold it for her.
Jesus be some common courtesy. You get out of this world exactly what you put into it. If you want to have a bad attitude, go ahead. Sneer at and slam doors on new moms. Let us know where that gets you. You might find that when you start treating people with charity and respect you'll be met with genuine appreciation and kindness. Maybe then you won't get so unduly angered by stupid things.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Two For Price Of One
Michele has two questions:
Can you get crabs while you are pregnant? I don't mean the kind you eat such as blue crab or king crab, but the genital kind. Thanks!
Also, can you eat crab when you are pregnant? For this question, I DO mean blue crab or king crab. Thanks.
And the answer to both questions is yes.
Pregnancy does not make you immune to STIs. If you can catch it when you're not pregnant, you can catch it while you are pregnant.
Cooked crabs (I hope you woudn't eat them raw) are perfectly fine during pregnancy. It's uncooked shellfish, such as oysters, that you want to avoid. The Mayo Clinic offers this list of foods that should not be eaten during pregancy.
Can you get crabs while you are pregnant? I don't mean the kind you eat such as blue crab or king crab, but the genital kind. Thanks!
Also, can you eat crab when you are pregnant? For this question, I DO mean blue crab or king crab. Thanks.
And the answer to both questions is yes.
Pregnancy does not make you immune to STIs. If you can catch it when you're not pregnant, you can catch it while you are pregnant.
Cooked crabs (I hope you woudn't eat them raw) are perfectly fine during pregnancy. It's uncooked shellfish, such as oysters, that you want to avoid. The Mayo Clinic offers this list of foods that should not be eaten during pregancy.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Mom, I Get It Now
Elisalynn asks:
My 16 year old daughter wants her boyfriend to sleep over, and we are okay with it as long as he sleeps in the guest room because he lives 2 hours away. But she wants him to sleep in her room and insists they have a virtuous relationship. I want to keep it that way, by having him sleep in the guest room. She tells us that she will just go sleep at his house if he is not allowed to sleep in her room. How do we enforce our house rules since she is only 16?
The answer to this one is simple. You parent. This is your daughter, not your friend. It's not your job to make sure she's always happy and never disagrees with you on anything. It is your job to make sure she grows up knowing there are certain expectations she needs to meet and that she can't always get what she wants.
When she's an adult she won't be able to tell her boss that if he doesn't give her a raise she'll just stop doing her work. Because she'll get fired. Because her actions will have consequences.
Does she have consequences now? It doesn't sound like she does. You have good reason to believe (because she told you) that if she spends the night at her boyfriend's house she won't be following your rules. So you don't let her spend the night at her boyfriend's house. And you don't believe her when she tells you her plans changed and she's just staying at her friend Beth's house, either.
Only you know what kind of punishment will hit hardest for your daughter. Maybe it's spending every Friday for the next month babysitting her little brother. Maybe it's taking away the car. Whatever it is, you need to make sure she knows without a doubt that by defying you, she's choosing that punishment.
(We'll ignore the part about the 16 year old being a in a long-distance relationship. Shouldn't she be hanging out with boys from her own school, or at least her own town?)
My 16 year old daughter wants her boyfriend to sleep over, and we are okay with it as long as he sleeps in the guest room because he lives 2 hours away. But she wants him to sleep in her room and insists they have a virtuous relationship. I want to keep it that way, by having him sleep in the guest room. She tells us that she will just go sleep at his house if he is not allowed to sleep in her room. How do we enforce our house rules since she is only 16?
The answer to this one is simple. You parent. This is your daughter, not your friend. It's not your job to make sure she's always happy and never disagrees with you on anything. It is your job to make sure she grows up knowing there are certain expectations she needs to meet and that she can't always get what she wants.
When she's an adult she won't be able to tell her boss that if he doesn't give her a raise she'll just stop doing her work. Because she'll get fired. Because her actions will have consequences.
Does she have consequences now? It doesn't sound like she does. You have good reason to believe (because she told you) that if she spends the night at her boyfriend's house she won't be following your rules. So you don't let her spend the night at her boyfriend's house. And you don't believe her when she tells you her plans changed and she's just staying at her friend Beth's house, either.
Only you know what kind of punishment will hit hardest for your daughter. Maybe it's spending every Friday for the next month babysitting her little brother. Maybe it's taking away the car. Whatever it is, you need to make sure she knows without a doubt that by defying you, she's choosing that punishment.
(We'll ignore the part about the 16 year old being a in a long-distance relationship. Shouldn't she be hanging out with boys from her own school, or at least her own town?)
Monday, June 21, 2010
You Can Pick Your Friends, But You Can't Pick Your Family
Snap writes:
I don't know how to handle this situation. About a year ago I met some really cool people at my cousin's wedding. One of the people I met is her new sister in law, her husband's sister. She's a cool chick, and likes to go to the same clubs I like. We talked and texted a lot since the wedding, and saw each other occassionally at the same places, oftentimes with my cousin/her new sister in law.
I made plans this past weekend to hang out with her, without my cousin. My friends were all there with us, and they are generally my age, around 24-26 years old average. This one is 32, and she just lives a fantastic life, or so I thought.
She drove her new car to the club we were all hanging out at, and I guess she forgot she drove and got super sloppy drunk. My boyfriend is a great guy, and did not drink at all, and couldn't let her leave by herself in good conscience. he offered to drive her car and take her home to get her home safe, and we'd have our friends follow us so we could have a ride back home also.
That's when it all went downhill. He got in the driver's seat, and had a hard time starting the car. She smirked and asked, "What's wrong with you, don't you know how to drive?" And he told her he never drove a BMW. She became really sarcastic about this, and told him he must not do anything for me because he doesn't have enough money for a BMW. So she showed him how to start the car and we went on our way. We thought she was just drunk and acting foolish, so we let it go, because she still had to get home safe.
Then she passed out in the backseat and wouldn't respond when we asked where she lived. I remembered that her parents live in a nearby town about 15 miles away, so we started to drive there. We got in front of the house, and she started to scream, literally scream, "Where did you take me? Why would you think I live here?" So I told her I thought this was her parents' house, and she said that she doesn't live with her parents she lives in an apartment a few blocks from the club we were at. My boyfriend was starting to get annoyed, but figured this was a friend of a friend and wanted to keep peace. We drove back to where we came from.
On the way, she started to complain that she was hungry and asked if we could stop, and since I was hungry also, we stopped at a 24 hr McD's. She fell asleep again and woke up in the parking lot and started yelling about how she doesn't eat shitty McD's and what kind of person do we think she is.
Since we were close to her home, we told her we were tired and we were just going to drop her off. We parked the car, she cursed at us, told us to go F--K ourselves because she was too good to be seen with us because she just went to St Barth's and hangs out with celebrities. She also threatened to beat me up as she was walking into her building. She didn't, she was just peacocking. Needless to say, we will not be seeing her socially again.
I told my cousin what happened, and my cousin said that she's just an angry drunk and to just not hang out with her anymore, but I think my cousin is impressed with this chick's BMW, fancy vacations, and socialite behavior. Do I say something to my cousin, or do I just let it go and hope to never run into this chick again? I don't want things to be awkward because she is close with my cousin since they are in-laws, but at the same time, I don't take this abuse from anyone.
You already said something to your cousin, and she told you not to hang out with her sister-in-law anymore. What more do you want to get out of this?
I agree that this is not a woman that you should continue to see socially. I don't believe that drunkeness is an excuse for bad behavior. In fact, I think actions taken while drunk are more of an indicator of a person's character than actions taken while sober. So yeah, this woman is a classless assbag and you shouldn't care if you never see her again.
Unfortunately, it's a lot easier to cut an acquaintance out of your life than it is to cut out family. This woman is your cousin's family, and if you continue to make an issue of this you're only making your cousin's situation worse. The fact that your cousin acknowledged that her sister-in-law is a bad drunk and suggested you not pursue the friendship leads me to believe that she's already aware of this woman's shortcomings. If she's willing to overlook them for the BMW and the socialite lifestyle, so be it. She's not forcing you to continue the friendship.
So let it go. Stop returning her texts and emails, don't hang out with your cousin if this chick is around, be friendly when you cross paths at family parties, and go about your life. Anything beyond that isn't your business.
I don't know how to handle this situation. About a year ago I met some really cool people at my cousin's wedding. One of the people I met is her new sister in law, her husband's sister. She's a cool chick, and likes to go to the same clubs I like. We talked and texted a lot since the wedding, and saw each other occassionally at the same places, oftentimes with my cousin/her new sister in law.
I made plans this past weekend to hang out with her, without my cousin. My friends were all there with us, and they are generally my age, around 24-26 years old average. This one is 32, and she just lives a fantastic life, or so I thought.
She drove her new car to the club we were all hanging out at, and I guess she forgot she drove and got super sloppy drunk. My boyfriend is a great guy, and did not drink at all, and couldn't let her leave by herself in good conscience. he offered to drive her car and take her home to get her home safe, and we'd have our friends follow us so we could have a ride back home also.
That's when it all went downhill. He got in the driver's seat, and had a hard time starting the car. She smirked and asked, "What's wrong with you, don't you know how to drive?" And he told her he never drove a BMW. She became really sarcastic about this, and told him he must not do anything for me because he doesn't have enough money for a BMW. So she showed him how to start the car and we went on our way. We thought she was just drunk and acting foolish, so we let it go, because she still had to get home safe.
Then she passed out in the backseat and wouldn't respond when we asked where she lived. I remembered that her parents live in a nearby town about 15 miles away, so we started to drive there. We got in front of the house, and she started to scream, literally scream, "Where did you take me? Why would you think I live here?" So I told her I thought this was her parents' house, and she said that she doesn't live with her parents she lives in an apartment a few blocks from the club we were at. My boyfriend was starting to get annoyed, but figured this was a friend of a friend and wanted to keep peace. We drove back to where we came from.
On the way, she started to complain that she was hungry and asked if we could stop, and since I was hungry also, we stopped at a 24 hr McD's. She fell asleep again and woke up in the parking lot and started yelling about how she doesn't eat shitty McD's and what kind of person do we think she is.
Since we were close to her home, we told her we were tired and we were just going to drop her off. We parked the car, she cursed at us, told us to go F--K ourselves because she was too good to be seen with us because she just went to St Barth's and hangs out with celebrities. She also threatened to beat me up as she was walking into her building. She didn't, she was just peacocking. Needless to say, we will not be seeing her socially again.
I told my cousin what happened, and my cousin said that she's just an angry drunk and to just not hang out with her anymore, but I think my cousin is impressed with this chick's BMW, fancy vacations, and socialite behavior. Do I say something to my cousin, or do I just let it go and hope to never run into this chick again? I don't want things to be awkward because she is close with my cousin since they are in-laws, but at the same time, I don't take this abuse from anyone.
You already said something to your cousin, and she told you not to hang out with her sister-in-law anymore. What more do you want to get out of this?
I agree that this is not a woman that you should continue to see socially. I don't believe that drunkeness is an excuse for bad behavior. In fact, I think actions taken while drunk are more of an indicator of a person's character than actions taken while sober. So yeah, this woman is a classless assbag and you shouldn't care if you never see her again.
Unfortunately, it's a lot easier to cut an acquaintance out of your life than it is to cut out family. This woman is your cousin's family, and if you continue to make an issue of this you're only making your cousin's situation worse. The fact that your cousin acknowledged that her sister-in-law is a bad drunk and suggested you not pursue the friendship leads me to believe that she's already aware of this woman's shortcomings. If she's willing to overlook them for the BMW and the socialite lifestyle, so be it. She's not forcing you to continue the friendship.
So let it go. Stop returning her texts and emails, don't hang out with your cousin if this chick is around, be friendly when you cross paths at family parties, and go about your life. Anything beyond that isn't your business.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Define "Private."
Debbie writes:
My 13 yr old daughter found my private photos on Face Book, and told me to remove them because there are a lot of racy photos on there. My hub and I like to take sexy pics of ourselves - there's nothing naked, but lots of lingerie and hands covering my nips. How do I explain that mommy is an adult and can do what I want because I am over 18? Everything is password protected but she had been using my computer without my permission which is a while nother issue. We have my private pc for the bedroom and a family room computer for everyone.
Wow, there are a lot of issues here. First and foremost, there is no such thing as "private photos on Facebook." If you have private pictures, please for the love of God take them off the internet. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but when you upload pictures to Facebook you and access them from any computer, not just the one the pictures are saved on. Your daughter may not have been using your computer when she found them.
We can get into a longer discussion about privacy settings, but if you don't even realize how the site works I don't have high hopes for your ability to navigate the more advanced features. Not to mention, any photo that can be defined as "racy" has no business being on the site no matter what your privacy settings are.
Your next issue is that your daughter is finding things she's not supposed to find. If your photos are password protected, as you say, and she's still accessing them, you need to change the password. If she's not supposed to be on the bedroom computer but she's using it anyway, you need to lock the bedroom, or make sure there are consequences for not doing as she's told. It's not your daughter's fault she found your pictures, regardless of how well you think you've protected them.
Finally, you want to know how to address the subject of the photos with your daughter. I don't think "Mommy can do what she wants because she's over 18" is the message you want to send here. This is one instance where age has nothing to do with anything. What you're looking for is more along the lines of "Mommy and Daddy are adults in a loving, consenting, legally binding relationship built on years of trust and respect. This is something we do privately, and it is our business." You're going to want to let your daughter know that while it's okay for you to have those pictures, it's not okay for her to go out and pose the same way for any dude with a camera, regardless of whether or not she's over 18.
You also want to make sure you're setting the right example for her to follow. Step one in this--and I can't repeat this enough--is GET YOUR BEDROOM PICTURES OFF THE INTERNET.
My 13 yr old daughter found my private photos on Face Book, and told me to remove them because there are a lot of racy photos on there. My hub and I like to take sexy pics of ourselves - there's nothing naked, but lots of lingerie and hands covering my nips. How do I explain that mommy is an adult and can do what I want because I am over 18? Everything is password protected but she had been using my computer without my permission which is a while nother issue. We have my private pc for the bedroom and a family room computer for everyone.
Wow, there are a lot of issues here. First and foremost, there is no such thing as "private photos on Facebook." If you have private pictures, please for the love of God take them off the internet. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but when you upload pictures to Facebook you and access them from any computer, not just the one the pictures are saved on. Your daughter may not have been using your computer when she found them.
We can get into a longer discussion about privacy settings, but if you don't even realize how the site works I don't have high hopes for your ability to navigate the more advanced features. Not to mention, any photo that can be defined as "racy" has no business being on the site no matter what your privacy settings are.
Your next issue is that your daughter is finding things she's not supposed to find. If your photos are password protected, as you say, and she's still accessing them, you need to change the password. If she's not supposed to be on the bedroom computer but she's using it anyway, you need to lock the bedroom, or make sure there are consequences for not doing as she's told. It's not your daughter's fault she found your pictures, regardless of how well you think you've protected them.
Finally, you want to know how to address the subject of the photos with your daughter. I don't think "Mommy can do what she wants because she's over 18" is the message you want to send here. This is one instance where age has nothing to do with anything. What you're looking for is more along the lines of "Mommy and Daddy are adults in a loving, consenting, legally binding relationship built on years of trust and respect. This is something we do privately, and it is our business." You're going to want to let your daughter know that while it's okay for you to have those pictures, it's not okay for her to go out and pose the same way for any dude with a camera, regardless of whether or not she's over 18.
You also want to make sure you're setting the right example for her to follow. Step one in this--and I can't repeat this enough--is GET YOUR BEDROOM PICTURES OFF THE INTERNET.
Friday, June 11, 2010
I Can't Imagine Why She Doesn't Like You
Shaherezade (sic) writes:
My mother in law to be is a real bitcheroo. I don't her (sic) name permanently embalzoned (sic) on my fancy wedding invitations, especially because she is so mean and purposely not giving us money for the wedding because she specifically told my fiancee that if he were marrying someone else she'd have no problem giving us some cash. We didn't even ask her for her money! So hopefully she'll be dead soon, and then I won't have to see her face with the hairy chin mole. But she keeps insiting (sic) on having her name on our invitation and my fiancee (sic) is trying to convince me this is the right thing to do because MY parent's (sic) are on it. WELL, my parents have helped secure really good deals with all of our vendors and also offered to pay for the invitation we choose! I cannot murder this woman, so how do we get her off our backs???
Okay, technically--technically--you are right not to include your future mother-in-law's name on the invitation. Etiquette dictates that the hosts of the wedding are named on the invitation. Traditionally, the hosts are the bride's parents. So, formal, traditional wedding invitations typically will not list the groom's parents.
However, you need to seriously check your attitude. Calling her names and wishing her dead are things that a horrible, spoiled child would do. Your concern here has nothing to do with etiquette and everything to do with wanting to punish this woman for not giving you money. When I feel your motivations are wrong, I tend to side with the other party. It won't kill you to put her name on the invitation, and since your parents aren't actually hosting the wedding they have little more right to be named than she does. Suck it up and stop being a bitch. Right now you have the choice to be the bigger person and make peace with your new family, or secure your position as the hated daughter in law. Why would you have any interest in the latter? Grow up.
If I were your future mother-in-law I wouldn't be supporting my son's decision to marry you either. Does your future husband know how much you hate his mother? You might want to show him this little missive before he makes the mistake of walking down the aisle with you. I personally would have zero interest in joining my life permanently to someone whose family I could not stand, nor would I want to marry someone who spoke so hatefully of my family.
My mother in law to be is a real bitcheroo. I don't her (sic) name permanently embalzoned (sic) on my fancy wedding invitations, especially because she is so mean and purposely not giving us money for the wedding because she specifically told my fiancee that if he were marrying someone else she'd have no problem giving us some cash. We didn't even ask her for her money! So hopefully she'll be dead soon, and then I won't have to see her face with the hairy chin mole. But she keeps insiting (sic) on having her name on our invitation and my fiancee (sic) is trying to convince me this is the right thing to do because MY parent's (sic) are on it. WELL, my parents have helped secure really good deals with all of our vendors and also offered to pay for the invitation we choose! I cannot murder this woman, so how do we get her off our backs???
Okay, technically--technically--you are right not to include your future mother-in-law's name on the invitation. Etiquette dictates that the hosts of the wedding are named on the invitation. Traditionally, the hosts are the bride's parents. So, formal, traditional wedding invitations typically will not list the groom's parents.
However, you need to seriously check your attitude. Calling her names and wishing her dead are things that a horrible, spoiled child would do. Your concern here has nothing to do with etiquette and everything to do with wanting to punish this woman for not giving you money. When I feel your motivations are wrong, I tend to side with the other party. It won't kill you to put her name on the invitation, and since your parents aren't actually hosting the wedding they have little more right to be named than she does. Suck it up and stop being a bitch. Right now you have the choice to be the bigger person and make peace with your new family, or secure your position as the hated daughter in law. Why would you have any interest in the latter? Grow up.
If I were your future mother-in-law I wouldn't be supporting my son's decision to marry you either. Does your future husband know how much you hate his mother? You might want to show him this little missive before he makes the mistake of walking down the aisle with you. I personally would have zero interest in joining my life permanently to someone whose family I could not stand, nor would I want to marry someone who spoke so hatefully of my family.
At Brunchtime
Minerva writes:
What is the best time to have a brunch party? It's for a birthday party, and we want it classy.
I think you answered your own question here. Brunch can really only happen in the late morning/early afternoon, as it's a combination of breakfast and lunch. You can't have brunch at seven in the evening, so - yeah.
Somewhere between 9 am and 1 pm should be fine.
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