Candida writes:
My husband and I talk about starting a family all the time, but can't ever commit to a start date. We've been married for over a year and the questions from family members are getting to us. Since we can't just get down and DO IT already, I would like to surprise him with a BFP. We've been having unprotected sex, but we avoid during my fertile time of the cycle and I know this because I chart. I was thinking of just going with the flow for a few months and we'll see what happens, and then he'll be super excited and surprised when I do finally become pregnant. I think the idea of actually trying makes him anxious, so that's why he's still not quite there yet physically even though he wants kids. SO anyway, when I do get pregnant, I wanted to think of fun ways to give him the news! Any ideas would be appreciative, I want him to be as happy as I am to have babies together!!!
There are so many things wrong with this I don't even know where to start. No wait, I do. The best way to make sure he's as happy as you are to have babies together is to LET HIM BE IN ON THE DECISION.
Do not--DO. NOT.--surprise him with a BFP. Wanting children is not the same thing as wanting children now. Sure, there's never really a "right" time to have kids, but there sure as hell are a lot of wrong ones. When the only way your husband can be convinced is when you don't give him the choice? Wrong time.
While we're on the topic, there are plenty of good reasons to start a family. Because the questions from family members are getting to you isn't one of them. If someone is rude enough to bring it up, smile sweetly and tell them to mind their own business.
As far as dealing with your desire to start a family, try sitting down with him and having a serious conversation about when and why and how. Maybe he's he has a particular goal he wants to reach before you start a family, such finding a better job or owning a home. Maybe there's something he's always wanted to do that he thinks will no longer be possible once kids are in the picture, like traveling the world or starting a rock band. Address his concerns calmly and rationally, and make a plan together that helps you both reach your goals.
I won't even address fun ways to give him the news, because if you do it right, it won't be news to him.
Showing posts with label planning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label planning. Show all posts
Friday, February 4, 2011
Monday, August 9, 2010
Just Let Him Figure It Out In The Delivery Room
Rosalita asks:
Do you know of any cutie pie ways to tell my husband I am pregnant? We hadn't been trying very long, so it was quite a shock to me when I found out a few months ago. I went to the doctor and got all the necessary tests out of the way to make sure everything is going according to schedule. I had my recent first trimester scan and saw the whole face and fingers and hands! I was thinking of showing him the sonogram picture and telling him this is our baby! I have to think of something before I really REALLY start to look pregnant! He just thinks all the sex we keep having is really making a difference in my figure lol. Are balloons overkill?
I think at this point you need to stop looking for cutie pie ways to reveal your pregnancy and start looking for cutie pie ways to say, "I'm sorry I deprived you of the first trimester of our child's life." I can't even imagine taking a pregnancy test without telling my husband. You went to the first sonogram without him? It's not even like this is a surprise pregnancy (though it seems like it was to you, despite the fact that you had been trying).
Really, it doesn't matter how you tell him. Sure, get balloons. Put the sonogram in a cutesy "World's Best Daddy" frame. Who cares. Just tell the poor man that you're having a baby, and he has 3 fewer months to get the nursery ready than most dads do.
Do you know of any cutie pie ways to tell my husband I am pregnant? We hadn't been trying very long, so it was quite a shock to me when I found out a few months ago. I went to the doctor and got all the necessary tests out of the way to make sure everything is going according to schedule. I had my recent first trimester scan and saw the whole face and fingers and hands! I was thinking of showing him the sonogram picture and telling him this is our baby! I have to think of something before I really REALLY start to look pregnant! He just thinks all the sex we keep having is really making a difference in my figure lol. Are balloons overkill?
I think at this point you need to stop looking for cutie pie ways to reveal your pregnancy and start looking for cutie pie ways to say, "I'm sorry I deprived you of the first trimester of our child's life." I can't even imagine taking a pregnancy test without telling my husband. You went to the first sonogram without him? It's not even like this is a surprise pregnancy (though it seems like it was to you, despite the fact that you had been trying).
Really, it doesn't matter how you tell him. Sure, get balloons. Put the sonogram in a cutesy "World's Best Daddy" frame. Who cares. Just tell the poor man that you're having a baby, and he has 3 fewer months to get the nursery ready than most dads do.
Friday, August 6, 2010
The Pitfalls of the Information Age
Fran asks:
HELP!!! My wedding website is on my STD but no one is using it to check out the hotel accomodations for my out of town wedding, and they keep calling me and asking me for informaiton, and I tell them to just check out the website because all the informaiton is there, but they say they don't have time to do that. So I end up letting all these calls go to voicemail because *I* don't have time to instruct people how to do the internet. I even made sure instructions were clear: There are 2 hotels, the addresses and phn numbers are listed. The proximity to the airport, the rates for several room types at each property, and the cancellation policy, and the number to call in order to book the rooms, and the name and group number for the blocked rate we arranged. We also have an RSVP feature that tells them to add their name if they want to be added to the rooming list if they did not book with the group. My wedding is in 3 months! HOW can I make it easier for them, and FOR ME???
Unfortunately, one of the less fun aspects of hosting a large event is dealing with redundant questions from guests. A lot of people don't have access to high speed internet, and many--especially older generations--may really not understand how to access the information you've provided. There's nothing you can do to change their behavior, and so instead we turn to changing the way you react.
To make things easier on yourself, have the information handy in a printable or email-able format to provide to anyone who calls with questions. That way, instead of spending 30 minutes waiting for Aunt Mary to remember which little icon thingy to click to get to the internets, you can let her know that you're mom will give her the list of hotels when they meet for dinner next Sunday. For close friends or relatives you speak with often, a casual email is appropriate. You could even snail mail the information to the extreme Luddites.
And here's a little piece of bonus advice: leave your cell phone at home on the wedding day. It sounds like you might have the type of guests who wouldn't think twice about calling in the middle of your hair appointment to get directions to the church.
HELP!!! My wedding website is on my STD but no one is using it to check out the hotel accomodations for my out of town wedding, and they keep calling me and asking me for informaiton, and I tell them to just check out the website because all the informaiton is there, but they say they don't have time to do that. So I end up letting all these calls go to voicemail because *I* don't have time to instruct people how to do the internet. I even made sure instructions were clear: There are 2 hotels, the addresses and phn numbers are listed. The proximity to the airport, the rates for several room types at each property, and the cancellation policy, and the number to call in order to book the rooms, and the name and group number for the blocked rate we arranged. We also have an RSVP feature that tells them to add their name if they want to be added to the rooming list if they did not book with the group. My wedding is in 3 months! HOW can I make it easier for them, and FOR ME???
Unfortunately, one of the less fun aspects of hosting a large event is dealing with redundant questions from guests. A lot of people don't have access to high speed internet, and many--especially older generations--may really not understand how to access the information you've provided. There's nothing you can do to change their behavior, and so instead we turn to changing the way you react.
To make things easier on yourself, have the information handy in a printable or email-able format to provide to anyone who calls with questions. That way, instead of spending 30 minutes waiting for Aunt Mary to remember which little icon thingy to click to get to the internets, you can let her know that you're mom will give her the list of hotels when they meet for dinner next Sunday. For close friends or relatives you speak with often, a casual email is appropriate. You could even snail mail the information to the extreme Luddites.
And here's a little piece of bonus advice: leave your cell phone at home on the wedding day. It sounds like you might have the type of guests who wouldn't think twice about calling in the middle of your hair appointment to get directions to the church.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Wedding Disaster?
Jazzmyhnn asks:
HELP!!! I forgot to put "AND GUEST" on my invitations for the guests I invite as singles but they are allowed a guest - How will they know?? Should I resend a retraction???
Whoa. Let's dial it back to maybe two question marks and no exclamation points. This isn't that big of a deal, and certainly doesn't require resending anything (particularly a retraction, which is technically the opposite of what you want to do).
Give the invitations a few days to arrive, then call your single guests to apologize for the oversight and inform them that they're more than welcome to bring a guest if they'd like. Done and done.
HELP!!! I forgot to put "AND GUEST" on my invitations for the guests I invite as singles but they are allowed a guest - How will they know?? Should I resend a retraction???
Whoa. Let's dial it back to maybe two question marks and no exclamation points. This isn't that big of a deal, and certainly doesn't require resending anything (particularly a retraction, which is technically the opposite of what you want to do).
Give the invitations a few days to arrive, then call your single guests to apologize for the oversight and inform them that they're more than welcome to bring a guest if they'd like. Done and done.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
I Bet High School Group Projects With Her Were Unbearable
Edwina asks:
I am cohosting a shower with my BFF because we are co-Maids of Honor at our mutual BFF's wedding. The shower planning is going off without a hitch, but my co-planner (I'll call her M) keeps complaining that we are doing everything on our own. Frankly, the shower is simple and already finished. We just have to show up the day of and make sure everyone has a good time. But I don't get her issue - a couple of the bridesmaids have offered their help if we need anything, and she turned them down. She said that they were only asking in vain and would probably not follow through if she accepted their help. I don't think there was much we could have let them help with anyway. She thinks that they should have stepped up and told us specifically what they would do for the planning and just do it rather than offer vague assistance. I told her to get over it, because she turned them away when they asked, and we didn't need them anyway.
Is M right, that the bridesmaids should be more involved?
No, M is not right. The only thing a bridesmaid has to do is show up on the wedding day in the appropriate dress. Everything else is gravy. It's very gracious of you and M to host the shower, but it certainly wasn't a requirement for you, nor is it a requirement for any of the other bridesmaids to help out.
Of course, the other bridesmaids did offer to help, and M is the one who turned them down. She really has no right to complain. It's certainly not polite to tell the host of a party that you are going to take over some aspect, so her expectation that they should have "stepped up" is ludicrous. Perhaps what she really wants is "help" in the financial sense. In that case, at least she's doing right by not asking for it.
If they offer to help again, perhaps ask each to bring an appetizer or small dessert. I'm a firm believer that a party can never have too much food. If they don't ask again, that's fine, as they were already told--rightly so--that everything is taken care of.
If M continues to complain, point out to her exactly what you've written here, and ask her what exactly it is that she wants. Perhaps then she'll see your point.
I am cohosting a shower with my BFF because we are co-Maids of Honor at our mutual BFF's wedding. The shower planning is going off without a hitch, but my co-planner (I'll call her M) keeps complaining that we are doing everything on our own. Frankly, the shower is simple and already finished. We just have to show up the day of and make sure everyone has a good time. But I don't get her issue - a couple of the bridesmaids have offered their help if we need anything, and she turned them down. She said that they were only asking in vain and would probably not follow through if she accepted their help. I don't think there was much we could have let them help with anyway. She thinks that they should have stepped up and told us specifically what they would do for the planning and just do it rather than offer vague assistance. I told her to get over it, because she turned them away when they asked, and we didn't need them anyway.
Is M right, that the bridesmaids should be more involved?
No, M is not right. The only thing a bridesmaid has to do is show up on the wedding day in the appropriate dress. Everything else is gravy. It's very gracious of you and M to host the shower, but it certainly wasn't a requirement for you, nor is it a requirement for any of the other bridesmaids to help out.
Of course, the other bridesmaids did offer to help, and M is the one who turned them down. She really has no right to complain. It's certainly not polite to tell the host of a party that you are going to take over some aspect, so her expectation that they should have "stepped up" is ludicrous. Perhaps what she really wants is "help" in the financial sense. In that case, at least she's doing right by not asking for it.
If they offer to help again, perhaps ask each to bring an appetizer or small dessert. I'm a firm believer that a party can never have too much food. If they don't ask again, that's fine, as they were already told--rightly so--that everything is taken care of.
If M continues to complain, point out to her exactly what you've written here, and ask her what exactly it is that she wants. Perhaps then she'll see your point.
Friday, July 23, 2010
The Brideslaves
Meredithe writes:
I am getting married in February 2011 and want to know the best way to start scheduling my bridesmaid meetings. We need to discuss the dresses I picked out, their fittings, the days they are available to help assemble my favors of chocolates in a small box with tulle and jordan amonds, and then also to coordinate their hair. As you can see, there will be a lot to discuss. Mass email is so impersonal. I have 8 bridesmaids, and calling them on a conference call is one way. Another idea I had was to send newsletters with an RSVP date so they can let me know if a specific date works for them. Any good ideas?
Let me get this straight. These are your friends; the eight women you feel closest to, whom you can't imagine getting married without, and you want to put them to work? Is assembling favors some kind of an honor now?
There are three appropriate bridesmaids' "meetings": A shopping trip to pick out the dress, a luncheon--paid for by you--to thank them for standing up for you, and the wedding itself. All three are easily arranged through whatever mode of communication you usually use to speak with them. They can arrange dress fittings on their own. You may offer to make them hair, nail or makeup appointments at the same time you make your own, but it's not a requirement.
If they offer further help, you may mention that you have these favors to put together, and offer to provide wine and leftover chocolate if they provide their bow-tying skills for a couple hours. But you can't demand that they do your bitch work for you under the guise of an honor.
You chose these women because you love them and respect them. So treat them that way. It's a wedding, not a business arrangement. Don't lose sight of the fact that the most important thing is that you end the day married with the full support of those closest to you.
I am getting married in February 2011 and want to know the best way to start scheduling my bridesmaid meetings. We need to discuss the dresses I picked out, their fittings, the days they are available to help assemble my favors of chocolates in a small box with tulle and jordan amonds, and then also to coordinate their hair. As you can see, there will be a lot to discuss. Mass email is so impersonal. I have 8 bridesmaids, and calling them on a conference call is one way. Another idea I had was to send newsletters with an RSVP date so they can let me know if a specific date works for them. Any good ideas?
Let me get this straight. These are your friends; the eight women you feel closest to, whom you can't imagine getting married without, and you want to put them to work? Is assembling favors some kind of an honor now?
There are three appropriate bridesmaids' "meetings": A shopping trip to pick out the dress, a luncheon--paid for by you--to thank them for standing up for you, and the wedding itself. All three are easily arranged through whatever mode of communication you usually use to speak with them. They can arrange dress fittings on their own. You may offer to make them hair, nail or makeup appointments at the same time you make your own, but it's not a requirement.
If they offer further help, you may mention that you have these favors to put together, and offer to provide wine and leftover chocolate if they provide their bow-tying skills for a couple hours. But you can't demand that they do your bitch work for you under the guise of an honor.
You chose these women because you love them and respect them. So treat them that way. It's a wedding, not a business arrangement. Don't lose sight of the fact that the most important thing is that you end the day married with the full support of those closest to you.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The "Ooops" Baby
Amy writes:
Dear WYPF,
My husband and I enjoy a child-free life. We decided before marriage that we didn't want children. We still do not want children and take every precaution not to get pregnant.
We haven't taken the surgery route, because frankly we both know we might change our mind in a few years.
The problem is I am pregnant. Despite condoms, birth control, and praying for my period it happened.
Guys... I still don't want a child. I cannot in good conscience have an abortion, because I don't morally agree with it.
My family knows, and I am just into my second trimester. I would like to give the baby up for adoption, but everyone in my family - brothers, sisters, parents, in-laws all tell me I will feel differently when I hold the child in my arms.
What do you think? Is adoption as crazy as they make it seem, or am I doing the right thing giving him or her up for adoption because we don't want children?
It gets more complex.
I worry they are right and I will love the child as soon as I hold it, and not be able to give it up.
We have met with several nice couples who are looking to adopt, and I am afraid it will break someone's heart if I'm not able to give him or her up.
What would you do? What am I missing? What am I not asking myself?
I would keep the baby, but I'm not you. Only you and your husband can make this decision for yourselves.
I do think, based on the limited information you've provided, that this is the answer you're leaning toward.
Do you want me to change your mind? Babies are hard work, and it's not just the sleep deprivation in the first couple years. It won't be long before you have to start worrying about school and grades and and how long until this fever breaks and what do you mean you want to quit ballet and take up horseback riding. And oh God, teenagers. No one likes teenagers. Not even their parents.
But really, there's a whole lot of reward in all of that too. Can you see it? The first steps, and the first "I love you, Mommy," and the grand slam at the bottom of the ninth, and college graduation and someone who'll check in on you once a week when you start to lose your sight or your hearing.
Not helping, am I?
You and your husband need to ask yourselves some serious questions. The biggest being, "Are we financially, emotionally and physically capable of raising a child?" I'm not just talking about wishing you had a six-figure salary or worrying about how much you'll cope with colic and midnight feedings. Having a child comes with it's share of sacrifices, but right now your focus is not on your convenience but on the health and well-being of the child. If you're drowning in debt, are on the brink of divorce, or don't have a roof over your heads, then obviously the most loving thing to do would be to give this baby up to a family with the means to take care of him or her.
However, if you're old enough to rent a car, have a happy marriage and stable income, then your child is going to be better off than most of the babies born into this world. We already know you have a loving and supportive family. Their advice may not be completely unselfish (after all, this is their grandchild/niece/nephew you're talking about), but they do all want what's best for you, and they know you better than anyone else.
You say yourself that you and your husband didn't choose permanent sterilization because you knew you may someday want children. You also say you are worried that you will love this child. These statements lead me to believe that your mind just hasn't caught up to your heart.
If you do decide to keep the baby, you need to be honest with yourselves about how hard it will be. Your life plans just took a drastic turn, and there's no shame in needing to speak with a professional to come to terms with your new responsibilities.
Dear WYPF,
My husband and I enjoy a child-free life. We decided before marriage that we didn't want children. We still do not want children and take every precaution not to get pregnant.
We haven't taken the surgery route, because frankly we both know we might change our mind in a few years.
The problem is I am pregnant. Despite condoms, birth control, and praying for my period it happened.
Guys... I still don't want a child. I cannot in good conscience have an abortion, because I don't morally agree with it.
My family knows, and I am just into my second trimester. I would like to give the baby up for adoption, but everyone in my family - brothers, sisters, parents, in-laws all tell me I will feel differently when I hold the child in my arms.
What do you think? Is adoption as crazy as they make it seem, or am I doing the right thing giving him or her up for adoption because we don't want children?
It gets more complex.
I worry they are right and I will love the child as soon as I hold it, and not be able to give it up.
We have met with several nice couples who are looking to adopt, and I am afraid it will break someone's heart if I'm not able to give him or her up.
What would you do? What am I missing? What am I not asking myself?
I would keep the baby, but I'm not you. Only you and your husband can make this decision for yourselves.
I do think, based on the limited information you've provided, that this is the answer you're leaning toward.
Do you want me to change your mind? Babies are hard work, and it's not just the sleep deprivation in the first couple years. It won't be long before you have to start worrying about school and grades and and how long until this fever breaks and what do you mean you want to quit ballet and take up horseback riding. And oh God, teenagers. No one likes teenagers. Not even their parents.
But really, there's a whole lot of reward in all of that too. Can you see it? The first steps, and the first "I love you, Mommy," and the grand slam at the bottom of the ninth, and college graduation and someone who'll check in on you once a week when you start to lose your sight or your hearing.
Not helping, am I?
You and your husband need to ask yourselves some serious questions. The biggest being, "Are we financially, emotionally and physically capable of raising a child?" I'm not just talking about wishing you had a six-figure salary or worrying about how much you'll cope with colic and midnight feedings. Having a child comes with it's share of sacrifices, but right now your focus is not on your convenience but on the health and well-being of the child. If you're drowning in debt, are on the brink of divorce, or don't have a roof over your heads, then obviously the most loving thing to do would be to give this baby up to a family with the means to take care of him or her.
However, if you're old enough to rent a car, have a happy marriage and stable income, then your child is going to be better off than most of the babies born into this world. We already know you have a loving and supportive family. Their advice may not be completely unselfish (after all, this is their grandchild/niece/nephew you're talking about), but they do all want what's best for you, and they know you better than anyone else.
You say yourself that you and your husband didn't choose permanent sterilization because you knew you may someday want children. You also say you are worried that you will love this child. These statements lead me to believe that your mind just hasn't caught up to your heart.
If you do decide to keep the baby, you need to be honest with yourselves about how hard it will be. Your life plans just took a drastic turn, and there's no shame in needing to speak with a professional to come to terms with your new responsibilities.
Friday, June 18, 2010
You've Gotta Fight! For Your Right! To Throw Awesome Paaaaaaar-Ties!
Fancy writes:
Is it weird to have index cards of conversation topics hidden in my purse when I go to my get together? I won't whip em out, but I am afraid I'll forget what I want to talk about!
Weird? Maybe. Brilliant? Definitely.
Anyone who's ever had a pang of social anxiety can surely identify with the fear of being unable to say anything intelligent, or of having the conversation stop dead entirely. I think a note card is a fantastic idea. In the best-case scenario, you'll never have to use it. In the worst-case scenario, dead silence falls over the room, but because you've just consulted your card in the loo, you know exactly how to save the day: "So, limited liability: Good or bad? Let's discuss!"
Good luck, and have fun!
# # #
Bernice writes:
How early would you send out shower invitations for a baby shower that needs the headcount 14 days prior to the event? Also, please recommend if you think it is sufficient to provide a phone AND email or if I should just need to provide a return phone number for RSVPs. Last question, are postcard invitations tacky? Thanks so much!
A month before the response date should be fine - or six weeks before the event. Make sure to make your respond-by date a few days before the actual count is due at the caterer so you have time to follow up with any response slackers. Providing phone and email gives people some extra leeway in responding, and with more options, you're likely to get more responses.
And I think postcard invitations sound great, as long as the postcards are in keeping with the theme of the shower or the personality of the guest of honor.
Have a great party!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Nothing Is Permanent
Kathie writes:
We can't decide on where to live. My fiance wants to live in a condo because it's a building and I want a yard and a private house because that is what I grew up in. I know that there is very little maintenance with an apartment but the idea of future kids running out of the house and into a yard makes me smile. Should I just give up my dream to make him happy? We're young so maybe he'll change his mind eventually anyway, but I don't know how to feel about my dreams being crushed.
Kathie, darling, slow down! I think you're putting your kids before the horse here, so just take a deep breath and visit the right lane with me for a moment.
You're young; you're still unmarried; any kids are in the future at least a little way. My parents lived in something like five different states before they had their first child (ME!), and even after that, they lived in three different places before having another. And moved yet again after having their third.
I've been married three years, and lived with my partner for almost seven; we've been in an apartment and two houses. I'll bet if you ask anyone how many times they've moved - before kids, during kids - it will be more than once. Needs and incomes change. Have you discussed with your fiance if he'd want to live in a building situation forever? I mean, if he's open to a lawn someday, then I don't think this is something to get worked up over.
Then, too, there are places in the world where a condo can include a yard: My husband and I looked at a condo in Phoenix that had a front and backyard. Small, but the homeowners' association took care of mowing the front lawn, and they built a community park and pool for the tenants. There is a lot to be said for taking your kids to a local park, as well, instead of staying at home: they can make friends (as can you!), get more exercise on their walks to-and-from, and have access to playground equipment you'd never be able to afford for your own yard.
You do, of course, have a point that having plenty of space to play outdoors is vital for raising healthy kids. And while your fiance wants a condo now, he might not be so attached to the idea when the babies start coming.
So hold your horses; take a deep breath; realize nothing is permanent, and in a good marriage, dreams are open to negotiation. You two are a team now, and soon you'll be a family. Talk about what's best for all of you, and I'm sure everyone will be happy.
Friday, June 11, 2010
At Brunchtime
Minerva writes:
What is the best time to have a brunch party? It's for a birthday party, and we want it classy.
I think you answered your own question here. Brunch can really only happen in the late morning/early afternoon, as it's a combination of breakfast and lunch. You can't have brunch at seven in the evening, so - yeah.
Somewhere between 9 am and 1 pm should be fine.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Just Don't Get The Clifford Ones
Cassie T. writes:
Trying to have a party for my husband, but feel like invitations are too grade school. Not everyone has access to internet, so evites are out. Aside from calling people directly, is there a preferred way to invite people to a simple birthday bash and require an rsvp, whether it's yes or no, to get an accurate head count for food? Is there a preferred timeline for all of this?????
Take a deep breath. Hold it. Let it out. Do that again.
Feeling more calm? Like, by four question marks' worth? Yes? Then let's begin.
Invitations are the only way to get a semi-accurate headcount for the party. There's nothing juvenile about a nice little square of cardstock that says who, what, where, and when, and asks for a response. Don't use fill-in-the-blanks or anything with clowns, race cars, or balloons on it, and you'll be fine on that front. (For our other readers: Evites are perfectly acceptable for a casual occasion, in my opinion, if all your guests are tech-savvy and have access. Otherwise, yes, go with paper.)
Most caterers will give you a date by which they need your final count and your full payment or final balance due, usually 1-2 weeks before the event. If you're cooking yourself, use the same formula. Send your invitations 3-4 weeks ahead of the date of the party, request a response 1-2 weeks before, and use that extra 1-2 weeks to follow up with people who haven't responded (and there will be at least a few, trust me.). Nail down your absolute final count within a few days of the party, and double-check your supplies (or check with your party supply provider) no later than the day before the party. If you're doing everything yourself, make sure you have everything you'll need ready to go the day before, so that the day of, all you need to do is set up, dress up, and party down.
Trying to have a party for my husband, but feel like invitations are too grade school. Not everyone has access to internet, so evites are out. Aside from calling people directly, is there a preferred way to invite people to a simple birthday bash and require an rsvp, whether it's yes or no, to get an accurate head count for food? Is there a preferred timeline for all of this?????
Take a deep breath. Hold it. Let it out. Do that again.
Feeling more calm? Like, by four question marks' worth? Yes? Then let's begin.
Invitations are the only way to get a semi-accurate headcount for the party. There's nothing juvenile about a nice little square of cardstock that says who, what, where, and when, and asks for a response. Don't use fill-in-the-blanks or anything with clowns, race cars, or balloons on it, and you'll be fine on that front. (For our other readers: Evites are perfectly acceptable for a casual occasion, in my opinion, if all your guests are tech-savvy and have access. Otherwise, yes, go with paper.)
Most caterers will give you a date by which they need your final count and your full payment or final balance due, usually 1-2 weeks before the event. If you're cooking yourself, use the same formula. Send your invitations 3-4 weeks ahead of the date of the party, request a response 1-2 weeks before, and use that extra 1-2 weeks to follow up with people who haven't responded (and there will be at least a few, trust me.). Nail down your absolute final count within a few days of the party, and double-check your supplies (or check with your party supply provider) no later than the day before the party. If you're doing everything yourself, make sure you have everything you'll need ready to go the day before, so that the day of, all you need to do is set up, dress up, and party down.
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