Elsa asks:
Why do people with large strollers think that everyone around them has to move out of their way, wait for them to decide to walk, and hold doors when we might be in more of a hurry? Maybe manufacturers should include owner instructions for people who don't realize that the large SUV sized strollers are an inconvenience, and it's not only them walking the streets needing to go places.
I grant you that it's annoying when people take up an entire walkway and either walk slowly or just stop. But I'm not on board with the stroller hate.
There's a nice double standard here, where you don't want to be inconvenienced by people with children, and yet you expect them to inconvenience themselves for you? I'm sure everyone would love to pay a babysitter every time they need to run to the store for a gallon of milk. And the mom who's pushing 30 pounds of baby, stroller, baby gear, and shopping bags should be happy to take a minute and a half to struggle through a heavy door when it would have taken you 5 seconds to hold it for her.
Jesus be some common courtesy. You get out of this world exactly what you put into it. If you want to have a bad attitude, go ahead. Sneer at and slam doors on new moms. Let us know where that gets you. You might find that when you start treating people with charity and respect you'll be met with genuine appreciation and kindness. Maybe then you won't get so unduly angered by stupid things.
Showing posts with label fulfillment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fulfillment. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Just Cause
Stretched-too-far writes:
A few years ago I casually signed up for a volunteer position that I thought would take a few hours per month. Little did I know that this would turn into a part-time job every summer. The past two years I struggled through thinking that once we could get a few more volunteers, my work load would decrease. This year we finally have more volunteers but it hasn't been better at all. Now I have lots of work to do and lots of volunteers that mess up, don't do their jobs and make my job more difficult.
I don't enjoy this volunteer job and although it is a very worthy cause, I am not very passionate about the charity I'm helping. I find myself resenting all of the hours that I put into it.
So what is your advice? Should I quit? If I do, how do I break the news? I can't help but feel like a big baby when this is such a worthy cause.
It sounds to me like your kindness is being taken advantage of. At the very least you've been going above and beyond for over two years and should feel no guilt about moving on. As a volunteer, you owe this charity no more than what you're willing to give them. Worthy cause or not, if you feel like your time would be better spent on something else, then you're well within your rights to quit.
It's not easy to walk away from something like this. You don't want to feel like a quitter, and you don't want to disappoint the people who really are passionate about this cause. But think about it this way: the cause deserves your best, and if you're unhappy with what you're doing, then your best isn't what they're getting.
Is there anything else you can do to stay involved to a lesser degree? Perhaps you could offer to work a specific annual event, or you could decide that instead of giving your time you'll increase your financial contribution. See if there's a way to stay involved without wearing yourself out.
As far as breaking the news, you just have to be direct. Talk to the charity director or whomever you report to in person, and tell them that due to personal commitments you'll no longer be able to work for them in the same capacity. Have a specific end date in mind; agreeing to stay on until they find a replacement gives them little motivation to find someone. You may want to offer your services for a smaller, lower stress position, or to let them know they can keep you on their mailing list. Letting them know you still support the cause will go a long way toward not burning a bridge.
Good luck.
A few years ago I casually signed up for a volunteer position that I thought would take a few hours per month. Little did I know that this would turn into a part-time job every summer. The past two years I struggled through thinking that once we could get a few more volunteers, my work load would decrease. This year we finally have more volunteers but it hasn't been better at all. Now I have lots of work to do and lots of volunteers that mess up, don't do their jobs and make my job more difficult.
I don't enjoy this volunteer job and although it is a very worthy cause, I am not very passionate about the charity I'm helping. I find myself resenting all of the hours that I put into it.
So what is your advice? Should I quit? If I do, how do I break the news? I can't help but feel like a big baby when this is such a worthy cause.
It sounds to me like your kindness is being taken advantage of. At the very least you've been going above and beyond for over two years and should feel no guilt about moving on. As a volunteer, you owe this charity no more than what you're willing to give them. Worthy cause or not, if you feel like your time would be better spent on something else, then you're well within your rights to quit.
It's not easy to walk away from something like this. You don't want to feel like a quitter, and you don't want to disappoint the people who really are passionate about this cause. But think about it this way: the cause deserves your best, and if you're unhappy with what you're doing, then your best isn't what they're getting.
Is there anything else you can do to stay involved to a lesser degree? Perhaps you could offer to work a specific annual event, or you could decide that instead of giving your time you'll increase your financial contribution. See if there's a way to stay involved without wearing yourself out.
As far as breaking the news, you just have to be direct. Talk to the charity director or whomever you report to in person, and tell them that due to personal commitments you'll no longer be able to work for them in the same capacity. Have a specific end date in mind; agreeing to stay on until they find a replacement gives them little motivation to find someone. You may want to offer your services for a smaller, lower stress position, or to let them know they can keep you on their mailing list. Letting them know you still support the cause will go a long way toward not burning a bridge.
Good luck.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Grandbaby Rabies
Grandbaby Crazy wants to know:
My son and his wife just told us that we're going to be grandparents, and WE COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED!!!!!!
My son and his wife just told us that we're going to be grandparents, and WE COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED!!!!!!
But it feels like we're the only ones who are!
Our other sons didn't react like we'd hoped. We were hoping they'd ask us about our son's baby registry - we even had all the information handy, just in case they wanted to send a gift. And neither of them even asked! (I'm glad I had gifts already wrapped. I just wrote their names on them and presented them to their brother!!)
I'm so hurt. It's like they don't care that their big brother has been blessed not only with a wonderful, enriched life and lovely wife, but also a new child. One son even told me that he wasn't going to have kids EVER!
It's like they're trying to hurt me. They know how much I need grandbabies! I'm so happy that my pride and joy is having a baby, but I'd love to have even more.
How can I get everyone else as excited about the new bundle of joy as I am? You're my only hope!
First off, congratulations on your new grandchild. For many people, new babies are extremely exciting, and this is definitely going to be a wonderful time for you, your son, and your daughter-in-law.
For other people, the excitement doesn't really happen until the baby arrives. If your daughter-in-law is still early in her pregnancy, I wouldn't be surprised that gifts weren't the first thought to enter your other sons' minds. While it was nice of you to want to "help" by choosing and wrapping gifts for them to give, unless they asked you to do so it really wasn't your place. Have you set up an expectation for your older son that all his brothers want to do is shower him and his wife with gifts? That's really not fair to anyone. You are entitled to give this child everything and anything you want, but make it from you.
As far as wanting more grandchildren, slow down and enjoy the gifts you do have. Greed isn't becoming on anyone. Whether and when to have children is a very personal decision to be made ONLY by the couple having the child. They may want to wait until they're more financially stable. They may have decided that parenthood isn't for them. Or, they may not be able to have children, and constantly hounding them will only add to their pain. Their situations and choices have nothing to do with you and are none of your buisness.
So cuddle the new baby, count your blessings, and keep your mouth shut.
Friday, July 9, 2010
I'll Have What She's Having
Julie asks:
Do you have any tips for dealing with jealousy? When a co-worker goes on vacation I get so jealous that it makes me sick even if I just came back from vacation two weeks ago. And when a friend gets married, has a baby or buys a house, I have trouble being truly happy for them because of how badly I want those things, too. I know that I lead a good life and have a lot to be thankful for, but I can't help always comparing myself to others and coming up short.
It definitely sounds like the level of jealousy you're experiencing is debilitating. If good things happening to other people makes you sick, you may want to seek the services of a professional.
In the near term, the most important thing to focus on is not letting your feelings influence your actions. You may already be doing this, and if so, you're on the right track. There's no faster way to ruin a friendship than to be the one constantly dumping on another's good fortune. So don't go quoting divorce statistics to the friend who just announced her engagement.
The best way to deal is to put on a happy face, and then focus your energy on setting your own goals and achieving them, rather than comparing yourself to others. Make a list of places you want to see, and keep a lookout for cheap vacation packages. Start saving for a down payment on a house, and squirrel away a little money every month so you know it's a goal you're working toward. You don't have as much control over marriage and babies, but you can remind yourself that weddings are more fun when you're a guest than when you're the bride, and friends' babies are easy to give back when they start to cry.
You said yourself that you have a lot to be thankful for. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who are jealous of your job, vacations, and unencumbered single life. Enjoy what you have while you have it, and then when all those other things come along, you'll appreciate them even more.
Do you have any tips for dealing with jealousy? When a co-worker goes on vacation I get so jealous that it makes me sick even if I just came back from vacation two weeks ago. And when a friend gets married, has a baby or buys a house, I have trouble being truly happy for them because of how badly I want those things, too. I know that I lead a good life and have a lot to be thankful for, but I can't help always comparing myself to others and coming up short.
It definitely sounds like the level of jealousy you're experiencing is debilitating. If good things happening to other people makes you sick, you may want to seek the services of a professional.
In the near term, the most important thing to focus on is not letting your feelings influence your actions. You may already be doing this, and if so, you're on the right track. There's no faster way to ruin a friendship than to be the one constantly dumping on another's good fortune. So don't go quoting divorce statistics to the friend who just announced her engagement.
The best way to deal is to put on a happy face, and then focus your energy on setting your own goals and achieving them, rather than comparing yourself to others. Make a list of places you want to see, and keep a lookout for cheap vacation packages. Start saving for a down payment on a house, and squirrel away a little money every month so you know it's a goal you're working toward. You don't have as much control over marriage and babies, but you can remind yourself that weddings are more fun when you're a guest than when you're the bride, and friends' babies are easy to give back when they start to cry.
You said yourself that you have a lot to be thankful for. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who are jealous of your job, vacations, and unencumbered single life. Enjoy what you have while you have it, and then when all those other things come along, you'll appreciate them even more.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Dirty Boy
Jasmine asks:
What is the best way to ask my husband to wash his privates better than he does? I don't want to insult him, but his thing and crotch hair is often musty and smells like soup. Thanks!
Jasmine, this is the man you married. He should be the one person in the world you can be completely blunt with. If you're worried about how he'll react to a "Sweetie, I love you, but you need to take longer showers," think of how insulted he'll be when you stop--ahem--hanging out down there.
If you want to try a more subtle approach, try showering with him. Lather him up and pay special attention to the parts that need it. When you're done, make sure to mention how much you like it when he's clean and fresh. If you're lucky, that will be all the motivation he needs.
What is the best way to ask my husband to wash his privates better than he does? I don't want to insult him, but his thing and crotch hair is often musty and smells like soup. Thanks!
Jasmine, this is the man you married. He should be the one person in the world you can be completely blunt with. If you're worried about how he'll react to a "Sweetie, I love you, but you need to take longer showers," think of how insulted he'll be when you stop--ahem--hanging out down there.
If you want to try a more subtle approach, try showering with him. Lather him up and pay special attention to the parts that need it. When you're done, make sure to mention how much you like it when he's clean and fresh. If you're lucky, that will be all the motivation he needs.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
In This Economy?!
Crying in my Cheerios writes:
I hate my job. If I quit, do you think that will give me the incentive to find something else since I'll have time to look? Sometimes things work out in a funny way, so maybe I'd find something during a time of desperation. Right now I am unfulfilled and ready to throw in the towel. A squirrel monkey could do my job, and they throw their own poop at each other.
I'm of two minds on this one. I've never stayed at a job I hated, so part of me wants to tell you to go ahead and quit. But, I've also never left a job without having another one lined up - not on purpose, at least; not with forethought.
So, no, I do not think that you should quit before finding something new, unless you're secretly independently wealthy and work only for fulfillment. Because even if you have savings, what happens if you burn through that two or six or twelve-month stash, and still don't have a job that thrills and completes you? You're fucked, that's what.
I also wonder why you think you should find so much reward in your job. It's my opinion that we should all work to live, and not the other way around. Work is a means to house, clothe, and feed yourself. It is not an end, but a means, and as such, why should it be fulfilling? I don't think you should stay somewhere full of toxic people, or where you are abused or mistreated in any way. But if what you have is just a job, and not the means to inner peace and enlightenment, well - that's as it should be. If a monkey could do it, you're getting off lightly, aren't you? You can save your energy for the activities outside of the office that will help make you a well-rounded, grounded, fulfilled human being.
I hate my job. If I quit, do you think that will give me the incentive to find something else since I'll have time to look? Sometimes things work out in a funny way, so maybe I'd find something during a time of desperation. Right now I am unfulfilled and ready to throw in the towel. A squirrel monkey could do my job, and they throw their own poop at each other.
I'm of two minds on this one. I've never stayed at a job I hated, so part of me wants to tell you to go ahead and quit. But, I've also never left a job without having another one lined up - not on purpose, at least; not with forethought.
So, no, I do not think that you should quit before finding something new, unless you're secretly independently wealthy and work only for fulfillment. Because even if you have savings, what happens if you burn through that two or six or twelve-month stash, and still don't have a job that thrills and completes you? You're fucked, that's what.
I also wonder why you think you should find so much reward in your job. It's my opinion that we should all work to live, and not the other way around. Work is a means to house, clothe, and feed yourself. It is not an end, but a means, and as such, why should it be fulfilling? I don't think you should stay somewhere full of toxic people, or where you are abused or mistreated in any way. But if what you have is just a job, and not the means to inner peace and enlightenment, well - that's as it should be. If a monkey could do it, you're getting off lightly, aren't you? You can save your energy for the activities outside of the office that will help make you a well-rounded, grounded, fulfilled human being.
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