Thursday Quickies!

Befuddled and Broke writes:

A friend asked me to organize a baby shower for her. My home isn't big enough to host the party, and I can't afford to host it in a restaurant. I discussed this with other friends who will be attending and the decision has been made to hold a no-host baby brunch where guests will be expected to pay for their own meal. If it is rude to ask guests to pay for their own meal and bring a gift, can I just ask them to lunch and then because it is in honor of the soon-to-arrive baby, people may use this as an opportunity to bring the mom a gift...or not? In other words, I won't call it a shower and won't list registry information. How should I word the invitation?

You shouldn't. You aren't hosting anything, so there's no reason to have invitations. If you want to organize a get-together at a restaurant, do so by phoning or emailing people. And make sure you tell them this is not a party, and there will be no host.

Be prepared, however, for your friend not to be very happy. She's grabby enough to ask someone for a shower, she'll be grabby enough to be disappointed that you refuse to be rude in order to give her one.

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Jess asks:

My birthday has always been on a Friday but this year it is on Thursday. Why? Is this a leap year or something?

Wait, what? Your birthday has always been on a Friday? That's impossible. No single date stays fixed on a particular day of the week from year to year. From Wikipedia: "Not counting leap years, any calendar date will move to the next day of the week the following year."

So, yeah. I think you have larger problems than what day of the week your birthday falls on this year. Maybe you should have those looked at.

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Nicole asks:

My husband likes the way smooth legs feel, so not only does he encourage me to shave my legs twice a day, he has also started to shave his own legs along with his underarms. He'll sit there while we watch TV and rub lotion along his own legs. Is this a sign that he might be gay?

No.

Honestly, I feel like we get an "Is he gay?" question once a week. And none of them involve the husband never having sex with the wife, or the wife finding him with his dick up some guy's ass.

The guy likes smooth skin. I honestly can't even imagine what random connection in your head links "smooth skin" and "gay", but whatever, he's not. At least, not based on your letter.

I highly recommend that you, and anyone who's been thinking of posting a letter like this, educate yourself about what homosexuality is. An organization like PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) or the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) can give you the information you need, or point you in the direction of a reputable sex educator.

Tuesday Quickies

Squeegee asks:

What is more rude: letting the elevator doors close as someone is running towards them, or yelling out "Thanks for not holding the doors" when the doors close as you get to the elevator?

Yes. They're both rude. Refusing to hold the elevator for someone obviously hurrying is needlessly boorish, but calling someone - especially a stranger - out on his rudeness is just as bad. So nobody wins in this scenario - except your humble bloggers.

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Dog Mama writes:

I usually feed my little dog twice per day. Lately she has been refusing to eat in the morning but is ferociously hungry in the evening. Could she be pregnant? Is this morning sickness? She was fixed as a puppy, but maybe it didn't work.

I guess I could try to use a home pregnancy test if I could catch her mid-stream in the yard. Do human pregnancy tests work on dogs?

Wait, you have to pee on those things for them to work? I thought your husband just stuck them up there in your sleep, and that would give an accurate reading.

No, I don't think your dog is pregnant, DM. Since this is a new development, I would call and ask the vet/ vet tech for her opinion, and then make an appointment for a checkup if that seems necessary.

And no, human pregnancy tests do not work on dogs.

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Zipper asks:

Can a microwave let out radioactive waves even when off?

Zip, I'm unable to find the actual answer to that specific question, but I have some answers that may allay any fears you have about microwave radiation. A quick tour of the Wikipedia page devoted to microwaves reveals that "[t]he cooking chamber itself is a Faraday cage which prevents the microwaves from escaping." And studies have shown that the radiation emitted by microwave ovens doesn't carry the same carcinogenic risk as other types of radiation, such as X-rays, even after prolonged exposure. Microwaves can damage the skin by heating it, as with any cooking device, which is why they're built with a switch that prevents the oven from functioning when the door is open.

So go forth, and microwave happily: it's not going to kill you unless you stick yourself inside it.

You've Gotta Fight! For Your Right! To Throw Awesome Paaaaaaar-Ties!

Fancy writes:

Is it weird to have index cards of conversation topics hidden in my purse when I go to my get together? I won't whip em out, but I am afraid I'll forget what I want to talk about!

Weird? Maybe. Brilliant? Definitely.

Anyone who's ever had a pang of social anxiety can surely identify with the fear of being unable to say anything intelligent, or of having the conversation stop dead entirely. I think a note card is a fantastic idea. In the best-case scenario, you'll never have to use it. In the worst-case scenario, dead silence falls over the room, but because you've just consulted your card in the loo, you know exactly how to save the day: "So, limited liability: Good or bad? Let's discuss!"

Good luck, and have fun!

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Bernice writes:

How early would you send out shower invitations for a baby shower that needs the headcount 14 days prior to the event? Also, please recommend if you think it is sufficient to provide a phone AND email or if I should just need to provide a return phone number for RSVPs. Last question, are postcard invitations tacky? Thanks so much!

A month before the response date should be fine - or six weeks before the event. Make sure to make your respond-by date a few days before the actual count is due at the caterer so you have time to follow up with any response slackers. Providing phone and email gives people some extra leeway in responding, and with more options, you're likely to get more responses.

And I think postcard invitations sound great, as long as the postcards are in keeping with the theme of the shower or the personality of the guest of honor.

Have a great party!

Featuring "Nights In White Satin" And Other Great Hits!

Edmund Fitzgerald writes:

First of all, to the reader who had a problem with flies I would suggest a security door or screen door. That would let the air in and the keep the flies out.

Onto my question though: I recently proposed to my girlfriend and she said yes. We'll be marrying in February and all is great except for one thing: she doesn't like Gordon Lightfoot. Even worse is that she doesn't like Christopher Cross either. I've known for a while that she doesn't like Cat Stevens and I've made peace with that and Christopher Cross isn't a big deal because she doesn't mind Ambrosia. But I don't know what to do about Gordon Lightfoot, I mean she even explicitly said that she doesn't like the song "Sundown" which is a friggin' great song. It's not a problem in our relationship or anything because we're solid as a rock. But how do I show her that Gordon Lightfoot is totally bad ass?

Edmund, thanks for helping our other reader. Now onto your problem.

While it might seem insurmountable to a young lad freshly in love, let me assure you that differing musical tastes are really not that big a deal. After all, married couples do need to have differing interests, and music can be one of those areas where divergence can only strengthen you. I can tell you that my own husband's irrational love of The Moody Blues has not contributed to any fights, and certainly would never be cited in divorce documents. I like to believe he feels the same about my unfortunate Britney Spears habit - though the fact that I can admit my taste is awful probably helps him along. I have to look past not only his bad taste, but also his insistence that it isn't bad taste.

As long as you two can agree on what to play in the car on long trips, I'm sure you'll be fine. Perhaps you two could contribute to a shared station on Pandora radio, and by combining your tastes, come up with some songs and artists that you'll both enjoy.

Free Coffee! Oh, Wait....

Cassie writes:

I bought coffee and donuts this morning and did not notice on my receipt that they forgot to charge me for my coffee until I got to my desk. Is it wrong that I did not go back and pay for my coffee, should I to clear my conscience?

I think if you swing by the coffee shop tomorrow with your receipt and offer to pay, it would be appropriate. If you're a regular, the barista may simply have decided to give you a freebie - a pretty common practice among service personnel, actually. If that was the case, she'll probably not take your money, but she will appreciate that you're an honest person. If it wasn't the case, then you've done the right thing, and your conscience can be cleared.

Either way, I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Mistakes happen to all of us. Rectify it if you can, but don't fret if you can't.

Quickies

Two quick answers to short questions. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Jennifer writes:

I was invited to a wedding out-of-town, due to budget we cannot go. I sent my regrets along with a brief note. Is it bad if I don't send a gift? Money is tight, so to me a card is sufficient, but it's a first cousin and I don't want them to think I am being cheap.


A gift is just that: a gift. It is neither an obligation nor a requirement, and therefore, no, it is not necessary to send one. If your financial situation will improve within the next year, however, it is considered perfectly appropriate to send a wedding present at any time in the couple's first year of marriage, so you can always send one in a few months.

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Salivary Gland (ew) writes:

Horseflys. I hate them. I like to keep the windows opened during the warm weather because of the fresh air business. But it lets the flies in! They only live for a week or two, so relief is in sight. I look forward to their little fly deaths. But is there a way to get rid of them without resorting to hanging fly paper as if it's a baby's first birthday? Fly paper is not a crepe paper streamer.

A quick Google perusal gave me several links to commercially produced fly repellents, and also a myriad of natural remedies. Lavender, citronella, pennyroyal, eucalyptus, lemongrass, and peppermint oils are all prescribed to combat flies; WikiHow has a step-by-step process listed for making a fly repellent, and this article from Equine World UK describes a couple of different products and natural remedies. Good luck and keep us posted about what works!