Perplexed writes:
My best friend is currently dating a stupid little twit who frankly is a complete waste of oxygen. To clarify, my feelings have nothing to do with jealousy. I have no desire to be anything more than friends with him. However it annoys me greatly to see him being taken advantage of and even more that he's too dense to pick up the fact that she is using him. Is there any tactful way to tell my friend that his girlfriend has no redeeming qualities whatsoever and that he can and should do much much better?
Methinks thou doth protest too much.
Why does this bother you so much? If he's a twit, what do you care if he's taken advantage of? (For that matter, why are you friends with him?)
The fact is, you don't actually know what he knows. He may be fully aware of the one-sidedness of the relationship, and simply not care. He may not actually care as much about your best friend as if appears.
No one outside a relationship really knows what goes on inside it, and it's none of your business. Likewise, it's not your job to fix this guy's life, especially when you can't even be sure anything's broken.
I think you need to take a look at yourself, and why this bothers you so much. I mean, it's his life; it doesn't actually affect you in any way. Are you, in fact, jealous, and in denial? Does this strike some particular chord with you - did you have a similar experience, and are still not over it?
It's time to stop meddling and start soul-searching.
Wow, or maybe I protest because you like to blame the writer for their feelings at all times.
ReplyDeleteAnd I didn't call him a twit, I called his girlfriend a twit. If you're going to answer mail, you might want to read it correctly first. Perhaps that simple little adjustment on your part would mean that you wouldn't be dealing with an empty mailbox all of the time.
As far as why I care, I do because I care about him. He's my friend. Perhaps you don't care about your friends and like standing by and watching them get used and taken advantage of, but I do care. And yes, it hits a personal chord with me. I've been used and I've been hurt and I'd like to prevent those I care about from going through the same thing. Sorry that the real reason isn't as exciting as the jealousy in denial angle you're taking.
OP, get over it. there is nothing you can do. It makes me a little sad that you are so controlling that you would try to mess with your "friend"s life like that. If he wants to be with the "twit" then let him.
ReplyDeleteKate was right - it is absolutely none of your business.
But I do encourage you to be a little more introspective as to why this is bothering you so much. What's the big deal? If he's happy and hasn't complained, keep your mouth shut!
Perplexed, let's try this again. Regardless of your feelings for him or lack thereof, it's just not up to you to tell him his girlfriend sucks. You're not the one who has to date her, so count yourself lucky in that regard. If you really can't stand her, then stop hanging out with him when she's around. If he asks why, you can be honest, but tactful.
ReplyDeleteIf you have reason to believe that he's unhappy and unsure how to get out, or you think this girl is emotionally abusive, you can let him know that you care about him and will be there for him if and when he has to make any tough choices.
Other than that, your hands are tied. And Kate is right, why be friends with a guy who has such awful taste in women? People with self respect are generally a lot more fun to hang out with.
Kate, you silly thing, her best friend is the guy!
ReplyDeleteLol, seems like there was some misreading of this message this time... Oops.
ReplyDelete