The Name Game

Lainey asks:


Help!! I don't have a problem taking my husband's last name as a woman, you know? I WANT to be Mrs. His Last Name. But my finace just proposed (YAY!!) and I think he has the ugliest last name imaginable. It's never crossed my mind before, but I don't want to be known as Mrs. Schnitz, which is hella ugly!! How do I tell him I don't want to change my last name because his is so ugly?? I would rather keep my name and have our kids go by Schnitz Baker and then just Baker in school because Schnitz is so weird. I don't want to hurt his feelings!

So you've been dating this guy long enough to get engaged and whether or not you'd take his last name never came up in conversation?

At the end of the day, your last name is your decision. If you want to keep your maiden name, you really don't owe your fiance any explanation beyond "it's my name and I'm keeping it." When it comes to your children, however, it's a touchier subject. He has just as much right to share his last name with his children as you have to share yours. And there is no way to tell him his name is weird without hurting his feelings.

There are some compromises. You could change both your last names to something mutually agreeable. Some people give their sons the father's last name and their daughters the mother's last name.

Or, you could embrace the funny last name and make it your own, so to speak. I know plenty of people who have potentially awful last names that really seem to enjoy them. My own maiden name is virtually impossible to spell or pronounce, and when you say it correctly, it sounds like you just sneezed. But I loved it, and I was happy to have a last name that not a lot of people had. I changed it not because I found my husband's name any more or less desirable, but because I wanted our family to share one name.

Think about it this way, if your children's last name is Schnitz, you won't be tempted to name them things like Neveah Imunique Baker to make them stand out.