Googling is the New Eavesdropping

R asks:

I happened to find some stuff a supposed "friend" said about me on the internet. I was playing with Google, looking up my name, my boyfriend's name, etc. to see if things like facebook come up, and I put in my close friend's name. We arae not besties, but we're pretty close and talk almost on a daily babsis. If not on the phone, then by email. Well, I found out that she's been saying things on a forum using a name that pretty much gives herself away and also uses her signature pic as a pic of herself so I know it's her. She has told some things about me that I felt were confidential, and NEVER thought she'd tell them to anyone let alone the internet. I know what you put online is public info these days, but I thought you can still confide in a good friend. Hopefully no one we mutually know sees what she has said but just like I found her, to me there's always a chance someone else did and these things she is talking about are embarassing and personal.

I also by the way, found out some pretty disgusting personal things about her and her husband's relationship that have to do with their sex life from her posting it online. I want to know if I should confront her, or let it go? What should I do!!


Let's not pretend you stumbled upon this stuff accidentally. Unless she's using her full first and last name as her handle on an internet forum*, your search went beyond just typing her name into Google. What were you hoping to discover, and why? It sounds to me like regardless of how often you talk, you aren't actually very good friends.

Her sex life is none of your concern. Her choice to share it with the internet at large is also none of your concern. In that regard, you have nothing to confront her about.


The personal info she shared about you is your concern. If you want the stories removed, you're within your rights to confront her. Simply let her know that you found what she said about you online, and you'd appreciate it if she'd delete those posts because you'd rather not have personal identifying information out there. Understand that she will likely be embarrassed for having been caught, and could take that embarrassment out on you. So, confronting her has the potential to be friendship-ending. It doesn't really seem to me like this is a friendship worth saving anyway.



*If she is, in fact, using her full name on an internet forum, this is a whole different problem. In this case, you're going to want to point out to her the dangers of having too much personal information available online. Remind her that everything she writes can be easily found by family, friends, and potential employers.