To Bar or Not To Bar

Tina asks:

I have been arguing with my future in laws, and I disagree with them. I have been to many weddings over the years and it is absolutely disgusting to watch wedding guests getting drunk, simply because the booze is free and flowing like water. And if any of these people have a car accident on the way home from the reception because they are drunk, guess who is liable?


We are planning a beautiful wedding and my family are NOT drinkers. There will be a champagne toast and wine with dinner. Other than that, if our guests need to get drunk in order to enjoy themselves, they can hit a bar on their way home, ON THEIR OWN. We are not going to provide them with free liquor and we are not going to be responsible if they wrap themselves around a tree on the way home or harm someone else on the road. 


How did I get my in laws to understand that I do not want to fund the all night party line? The "tradition" of getting sloshed at wedding receptions and expecting the bride and groom (or their parents) to provide and pay for free liquor should be stopped. Please help, thanks!

Ultimately, the amount of alcohol you serve at your wedding is up to you (or the person paying for your wedding). In that regard, you are right to make the decision for yourself and your in-laws are wrong to demand more of you. Stop discussing the issue with them. If they bring it up, let them know that that part of the reception has already been planned and you're on to choosing table runners now.

However, unless you keep the company of extremely classless people, I think your characterization of "sloshed" guests and assumption that people only get drunk because the booze is free is overblown. I have been to many weddings, and while there are always a few people who overindulge, the majority of guests drink enough to maintain a happy buzz throughout the evening. They also generally drink no more or no less than they would if they were paying for the alcohol themselves.

Think about it this way. Weddings are happy, celebratory events. Drinking makes people feel happy. It makes shy people more willing to get out on the dance floor. It makes tables full of people who don't know each other well feel better about socializing.

As an adult hosting a party for adults, it's only polite to offer adult beverages. If you're worried about those who overindulge, you can instruct your bartenders to be strict about over-serving. If you're worried that underage guests will get served, you can again instruct your bartenders to card everyone. For the record, it's the servers of the alcohol that could be held liable if a guest wraps hims car around a tree, so it's in their best interest to be vigilant.


And consider this: if the people you are inviting to your wedding are the types to get sloshed in the presence of an open bar, they're not going to be pleased to find out one isn't available. Be prepared for cousins and college friends to show up with flasks, for Aunt Gertrude to hide the bottle of table wine under her skirt, and for those who weren't able to secure their own source of booze to leave early.

Let Me Guess, You Can Quit at Any Time?

Shalon asks:

i keep a bottle of water in my drawer at work, but instead of water it's filled with vodka. I like to have a nip or two throughout the day, and often will add it to my lunchtime Hi-C fruit punch for a little bonus kick. I think one coworker smelled it on my breath recently because she asked me if I had anything to add to her drink because she had a snapple peach tea, but i told her NO. I think she sees me taking random sips from my desk water bottle and grew curious and now thinks I am the office bartender or something. Is there a more discrete way to keep my "water" bottle to myself?

You're an alcoholic. Either that or you're in high school. Really, you keep your booze in a water bottle and mix it with Hi-C?

I don't generally have a problem with drinking at the office. Occasionally grabbing a beer at lunch with friends or celebrating a new contract with champagne is perfectly acceptable. The difference between these examples and your situation is that you're drinking alone, and you're ashamed enough to make pathetic attempts at hiding it.

It's quite possible that your co-worker asked you to share not because she wanted a drink, but because she wanted to discreetly let you know that you're not fooling anyone. If you want to keep your "water" bottle to yourself, leave it at home. If you can't do that, seek the help of a professional.

Advice For the College Set

Anonymous asks:

How can I increase my drinking tolerance? I want to be able to become buzzed without getting sick right afterwards. I was thinking of drinking a little each day and gradually increasing the amount, but I don't know if that will make me alcolic. Thanks.

I can't decide if I'm highly amused, or highly concerned by this question. Let's get the annoying preachy stuff out of the way: drinking is generally bad for you. Getting better at drinking really isn't a good goal.

Phew. Okay. Now that that's out of the way, let's get down to business. Drinking is fun. Being drunk feels awesome. Puking afterwards is not awesome. So the goal is to maximize the drunk feeling while minimizing the later effects.

Drinking more isn't going to help you. What you need to do is drink smarter (and more responsibly).

A quick Google search provided me with lots of tips for increasing your tolerance. Some were good, some not so much.

Drinkplanner.com and Crunkish.com both provide lists of things you can do. I've culled the best and the worst from these lists and a few others:

Do:

• Eat before you drink. Having a full stomach will slow the absorption of alcohol into your system. This will allow you to drink more before you start feeling tipsy, and will prevent the alcohol from irritating your stomach lining, which causes vomiting.

• Stay hydrated. Alcohol is a diuretic, meaning that when you drink you're actually losing more water than you're taking in. This is why you feel the need to pee every 10 minutes during a night of heavy drinking. Dehydration causes headaches, which are to me one of the worst hangover symptoms. Consuming at least 1 glass of water per serving of alcohol is a good ratio to keep.

• Pace yourself. When you start to feel tipsy, you might be tempted to drink more to make that feeling even better. You need to resist that urge. Find your sweet spot and maintain. The average person metabolizes about 1 drink per hour. So once you reach a nice pleasant buzz, reduce your consumption to keep the level of alcohol in your system consistent. If you notice you're starting to have trouble keeping your balance, slurring words, or can no longer taste the alcohol in whatever you're drinking, start cutting back. If someone else tells you you're cut off, respect the fact that they have a better understanding of how you're acting than you do right now.

• Avoid mixing drinks. When the night begins, decide if you're drinking beer, wine or liquor and stick to it. When you switch throughout the night your stomach is more likely to revolt against the combinations of sugars and acids and whatever else is in what you're drinking.

Don't:

• Drink more often. Sorry, your current plan of attack is not a good one. Sure, "studies say" that one or two drinks a day is good for your heart and could prevent cancer. But those benefits don't start to outweigh the risks until you're in your 40s.
  

• Boot and Rally. Yes, if you vomit up the alcohol that is currently in your system, you make room for more alcohol. But the goal here is NOT to get sick.

• Avoid mixed drinks. Yeah, liquor is going to get you drunker (and sicker) faster, but mixed drinks taste good. As long as you're following the "pace yourself," rule above drink what you want.

Happy drinking!