Whoa Baby!

Hot and Bothered asks:

What can I do? My husband is never in the mood for sex, and it's been about a month since the last time we were intimate that way. He just is afraid that because I am pregnant, it is dangerous, even though he logically knows different. BUT I caught him in the livingroom 3 times in the past 2 weeks "molesting himself" (sorry!) while watching porn. SO I know he wants to have the fun, just not with me. I tried sexy outfits, I tried explaining that it's nt dangerous, so I guess it's just me? Does this mean I should be considerate and wait until after the baby is born and our sex life now is in the coffin? Or is there anything else I can do? I am starting to feel really self conscious, and not sexy at all, because I know my belly is getting in the way so it's a constant reminder that he just doesn't want me that way anymore.

First, you have nothing to feel self-conscious about. If your husband doesn't recognize the beauty of your pregnancy, then he has problems that are bigger than your sex life.

He may have a legitimate--though irrational--fear that needs to be dealt with. Since your assurances that sex is safe aren't getting through to him, try taking him to your next appointment, and have the doctor explain it to him. If that doesn't work, the doctor may be able to suggest other ways for him to get over his phobia.

More importantly, tell him how you feel. Again, if this is caused by a phobia, he may not realize that rejecting you is hurting your self-confidence. Talk it through and come up with a solution that works for both of you.

You may decide to wait until after the baby is born to have sex, but I wouldn't wait that long to talk. In the chance that his problem isn't actually motivated by fear, you're prolonging the issue. There's always a possibility that more excuses will pop up as time goes, so you want to deal with this now.