Don't you sometimes wish water were thicker?

Ruby writes:

My sister is a rather difficult person. At best. She has continually created situations where she is made out to be the victim when, in fact, she is really the perpetrator.  For example, she made me cry twice on my wedding day because I didn't get her a flower for her hair. And when my parents called her out on joining a cult, she tried to get us all to go to a "seminar", then told us it was our fault she couldn't speak to us anymore, because we refused to follow the cult's teachings. I want to have a relationship with her even though if we weren't related by blood I wouldn't even consider her to be someone I would want anywhere near my life. What should i do?

Yikes.

My first instinct is to tell you to forget it, it's not worth it, but you've obviously explored that option, and it isn't emotionally right for you.  So it's time for Crazy Muffs.

This may not seem germane, but wait for it: In the movie Old School, Vince Vaughn plays a suburban dad with a little son he carts with him everywhere. Whenever he wants to say something profane or risque, he just barks "Earmuffs!" at the kid. Kid covers his ears, and Vince is free to say whatever he pleases.

You need to employ this same strategy. Every time your sister starts with the crazy, just think to yourself, "Crazy muffs!" Ignore her baiting you. Ignore her silent treatment because you haven't decided to go FLDS with her. Ignore the fact that she needs to be the center of attention - or embrace it, and know that she's got bigger problems than you ever have.

You can't control your sister, more's the pity. I know if you could, you'd make her smart and funny and normal, someone you'd want to be around. I know it hurts to have your hopes and expectations about adult sibling relationships shot to shit. But the only thing you can control is your reaction to her. If you give in to her drama, she gets what she needs emotionally, but you get nothing. If you refuse to play, you can see her at Thanksgiving and Flag Day and have a perfectly pleasant relationship, at least as far as you're concerned. The only downside to this strategy is that she may cut you off, because you'll no longer be giving her what she wants. But if that happens, you know you gave it your best efforts - and let's face it, the crazies never go away entirely, even when we want them to.