Allow Us To Clarify

Shmily asks:

How come in all of the advice you post, you place all blame on the poster? Is it because you don't know the whole story? I ask because I find it hard to believe that every single person who's written in for advice bears the entire responsibility for what they've written about. Even if you have to play devil's advocate, maybe once in a while believe that the OP didn't do anything wrong (like the shy person in the office for instance - being excluded hurts).

First, I will freely admit that in several cases we've found the question asker mostly to blame for their problem. I don't believe that's been the case for all or even most of our submissions.

In general we have less patience for writers who speak with vitriol and hatred about a person, especially when the perceived slight turns out to be minor. If we think your attitude is wrong, we'll let you know, often in harsh terms.

It's always possible we don't have all the information, but we can only base our answers on what we're given. There have been situations where we've asked our writers to comment with additional information, and we do post follow-ups from writers in order to provide the most complete story and the most correct advice.

Finally, our motto is, "You can't control other people's actions, you can only control your reaction to them." In the case of the woman who felt left out at work, I completely agree that being excluded hurts, and I absolutely don't think she did anything wrong. My point, however, was that her coworkers do, otherwise she'd be part of the group. Replying with "Being excluded hurts. Your coworkers are mean for not including you," doesn't really help. Our advice is not meant to place blame, but to provide the writer with positive steps they can take to change their situation.
  
We hope this helps you to understand where we're coming from. As always, we welcome all comments and encourage our readers to agree, disagree, or let us know when we've missed something. 

Seriously? No.

In honor of our first letter that I refuse to publish, I think it's time to lay out some ground rules.

1. We're fine with foul language, we use it ourselves. However, don't be crude. We reserve the right to determine what crude is.

2. We will not publish identifying information. If we can redact names or locations from your letter, we will do so. If we deem it impossible to do so, you will not get an answer on your site.

3. We are not medical doctors, and honestly we don't want to know about your rashes, growths, or whathaveyou. We don't care if it's less embarrassing to write to an advice blog than it is to to see an actual doctor. We're not responsible for your health, you are. (Shamalamadingdong, this is as good an answer as you're getting.)

4. We reserve the right to amend these ground rules at any time.

That's it. Keep the letters coming, and happy reading!