Gift Registries

Registries always seem to be a sore subject in etiquette conversations. No one ever comments on what a nice gift registry someone has, but everyone loves to comment on how tacky they are. So how do you register without making anyone mad? The short answer is, you can't. Speaking as someone who had "Never Ask For Anything" drilled into her head growing up, there's no graceful way to make a list of things you want other people to buy you.

That said, there are two life situations where plenty of people will buy you gifts, and many of them want some guidance. Those life situations are your first marriage and the birth of your first child. And so, if you are going through either one of these life situations, it's perfectly acceptable to set up a registry or three.

Registries originated not as a way for brides and grooms to select the one specific $400 toaster they want, but as a way to inform guests of the couple's tastes and needs. They were considered suggestions, rather than the be-all end-all wish list. A couple would select patterns for china, crystal and silverware, and perhaps include information on the colors they planned to use to decorate their kitchen, living room, or bedroom.

The rise of the internet and handy-dandy barcode scanners has turned registries more into a profit-center for major retailers than a convenience for shower guests. As a result, it is in the best interest of the major retailers to give you lots of false information. You may receive a list of "must-have" items for your home or new baby. You may be told that it's perfectly acceptable to include registry information on your invitations. You may be given the opportunity to create registries for house-warming parties, Christmas, or birthdays. Don't give in.

Below are some of the common pitfalls of gift registries. By avoiding these, you can rest assured that you'll offend the fewest people possible. Aunt Gertrude still might have something to say, but she hates everyone.

Too Much

It's very common to get wrapped up in the fun of shooting things with the hand-held scanner gun. How many times have you printed someone's registry to find they've inexplicably registered for 5 crockpots, 14 vases, and 38 picture frames?

Make a list of what you need before you set off to create your registry. Think, room by room, of the items you really need or would really like to have. Consider how many of each item you truly need. 2 sets of sheets is enough. The baby can only wear one bib at a time.

Too Expensive

A good rule of thumb is not to register for anything that's out of your price range. If you're willing to buy yourself the $400 toaster when you don't receive it, then by all means add it to the list. But if the $25 version is good enough when it's your money, then it should be good enough when it's someone else's.

The completion discount offered by many retailers often influences people to register for big-ticket items like furniture or flat-screen TVs. If you don't intend for your guests to buy it for you, keep it off the registry. You can usually save more than 10% by just waiting for a sale. Many stores offer a flat discount on all purchases for 30-90 days after your event, so ask before you put non-gift items on your list.

Inappropriate Items

Your wedding is not the time to expand your DVD collection or update your wardrobe. Your baby shower is not an excuse to get other people to buy your baby's diapers and butt paste. When in doubt, stick to the traditional, and think of the kinds of gifts you want to give.

It's not exciting to watch a new mom open 30 packages of Pampers. People like cute outfits, soft blankets and toys. Weddings are about two people setting up a new life and a new home. Gifts should be keepsakes or items that the new couple needs to get started.

Honeymoon Registries

This hot new trend in money-grubbing is taking the wedding industry by storm. You may be tempted to think that since you're older or already living together, you already have everything you need for the home. On this I call shenanigans. Everyone can use a new set of sheets. Everyone has a kitchen appliance that's on its last legs. Look around your house. I assure you, you can find something to register for.

You may convince yourself that memories are more valuable than things. This is a cop-out. The truth is that honeymoon registries are a request for cash, and the only thing tackier than requesting a $400 toaster is asking your guests to just hand over their wallets.

What's worse, most honeymoon registry sites take a percentage off the top of all gifts. So instead of me giving you $50 to enjoy adult beverages at the hotel bar, I'm giving you $42.83, and the website $7.17. That's not a good deal for anyone (except the owner of the website). If one of your guests really wants you to have a sunset horseback ride on the beach, they will find a way to arrange it for you. If they really just want to give you money, they will, and they won't have to pay a middle-man.

The honeymoon is your responsibility to pay for, so plan what you can afford. Don't expect your guests to enable you to vacation outside of your means.

Reception/Photography/Flower Registries

These are in the same category as the Honeymoon Registry. Expecting your guests to foot the bill for your celebration is wrong. The fact that these registries are available doesn't mean they're okay. It means the hall/photographer/florist has found a way to capitalize on greedy people.

Charity Registries

These seem, on the surface, like such a nice gesture. I almost feel guilty snarking them, but I will anyway. Charitable donations are a private matter and should be kept so. If you feel so strongly that some organization should share in the joy of your event, then you can make your own donation in an amount you feel is appropriate. Asking others to do it for you is passing the buck.

Registries For Anything But Your First Marriage Or Your First Child

No.

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